Thursday, September 27, 2007
sigh, this will be one despondent entry. i'm procrastinating as usual, coz i don't feel like showering even though i really should since i haven't showered since the night before i flew. and that was like 36 hours ago. i feel grimy and oily an generally disgusting.
had a nice long chat with my darling. i miss my darling terribly! and i've only been away for a day. well, he's my housemate along with 2 others, and i can't help but see him everyday. and knowing he's like at least 5000 miles away does not feel good.
i came back to attend my sister's wedding. i hope it's well worth the trip since i had to overcome my phobia of flying and my endless worries about everything. i'm struggling hard to keep the lid down.
so odd, last month i was typing about being homesick and not wanting to go back, this time round i was wailing at the Detroit Airport for the same reasons. "home"has come to take on a different meaning. it's the 2 room apartment located off campus with the dirty green Toyota Camry Solara parked outside. it's the warm cozy room with my red bedsheets and the oily kitchen floors. it's the bright orange glass dining table and the huge CRT TV.
most importantly, it's having my darling right next door. i know it's only going to be a few days. come sunday midnight and i'll be off again and it'll all pass by in a flahs that i won't even realise.
he may not know it, but he provides a reassuring presence that somehow everything will be fine, sorta anyway. and taking the plane is like no. 1 on my list of thigns i really dislike doing. yes, it's worse than washing dishes, doing laundry, studying for midterms, doing accounting homework.
somehow, i've just gotten so ued to having him around. he's there either to support me or endure something with me. and now i feel hopelessly alone. not a good thought.
okay enough of wallowing in self-pity. i'll get through this somehow. and i'll go home. Oh God, please, that i'll stop being pessimistic and learn to overcome all my irrational fears, and conquer all those phobias. With Your good grace and help, i'll be triumphant.
miss you too darned much, darling.
