Thursday, September 21, 2006
AOERNVBMCGHIESMVBPHS that's what you get when you've wanted to blog for a bit but didn't quite get down to doig anything. and no it's not a typo.
technically, with me in a new environment and all, i should have much to say, on a day-to-day basis. full entries detailing where i went, what i did etc.
i found a new ice cream place. it's called Cold Stone. and it really rocks. it has all these big tubs of plain ice cream and looks deceptively boring. that's until the salesgirl taking a whopping big scoop(i mean it) and dumps it on a slab of cold stone. proceeds to dump huge quantities of bananas, nuts, Reese's peanut butter cups or even Mars bars. the end result: a homogeneously lumpy pile of goo. yummy goo.
i'm swearing off ice cream for the next week. i'm serious. but it gets so hard when you're determined to do something.
food for thought: me and brian seem to get into debates. we generally agree on everyday issues, or maybe it's simply coz we're too lazy to disagree. but things that we believe need standing up for, we certainly do. for instance, the first time round, we were disagreeing about the beliefs of each others church. not that we refuse to be accomodating but rather, we just won't join in the other.
and last night. we had another one. it started with trying to guess whether couples will work out. his answer, possibly. my answer, most probably not. i guess my reasoning stems from the fact that i just cannot believe in anythign lasting forever. coz i believe that somehow sometime, one will always take another for granted(it can refer to all types of relationships) and eventually, there will be misunderstandings, times when we cross the invisible line and somehow things become irreparable. he disagreed.
the general consensus after debating for close to an hour was that i'm just a really negative person. i know i am sometimes. sometimes coz i'm looking at personal experiences and others just by looking at the not-so-rosy world around me. yet in some other ways, i am idealistc. i believe that many beautiful things exist, if only to evade me. but that's a separate issue i won't touch on.
and most of our debates don't end very well. we don't find a conclusion and sometimes it just rambles on in no particular direction. but it does leave one or both of us, or maybe even the people who are listening in on the conversation with some food for thought.
am i really that pessimistic? coz seriously there's no point in getting my hopes all nice and high. i'm really pretty paranoid. like how i avoid saying certain things so i won't jinx myself and other stuff. i don't know but that some issues really bring out the negative side in me. and one can hardly help it when there's been no previous happy memory to change my point of view.
i'm going to be a catcheist! yay! i'm going to preach the word of God to 7th-graders. i'm happy. i know i may not be the most faith-full person for the job. and i believe the young ones will have more to teach me than i can do for them. but i'm glad. coz finally, i'm doing something which i set out to do. and i can do it alone.
lately, the few days actually, there's been a thought running through my brain. i'm oddly at peace. not the sort where i'm perfectly happy with everything. but that a certain part of myself has reached a kind of equilibrium. i recall how i'm always chasing leprechaun's gold, reaching for the moon. but i just thought, that this time round. i don't really care about getting the gold anymore. and i don't need that moon or star in my palm.
maybe it's coz i don't really want that moon or star. that's still a possibilty.
but having turned it over in my brain a bit. i think i'm content with simply knowing that the gold, the star and the moon is there. i don't need to own it or possess it. i believe it used to be a ceratin ideal of mine.
but no. just knowing that i'll have just a little of its light is enough. i guess it's knowing that maybe you're not meant to have it. knowing that i'd rather have that little ray of sunshine than none at all.
you don't always have to hold the gem in your hand.
