Listen to your heart.

Friday, May 26, 2006

yum
indian food.

can't say i didn't try.
but i don't know if it really worked.

can't you hear it sing?

Thursday, May 25, 2006

dong-eun said,"?????." "you lack courage." possibly. but maybe retreating for now will be better.

I AM: in the hostel. half-dead.

I WANT: to sleep.

I WISH: my 18th birthday wish will come true. in the way that i want it to. that i'll stop having rashes and weird skin. and my hair will grow out faster.

I HATE: creepy crawlies. the smell of freshly cut grass. the air here. i dunno this is all random.

I MISS: singapore food. my family. my bolster. the people who used to be a part of my life.

I FEAR: creepy crawlies, the dark, the supernatural, failure.

I HEAR: the Love Actually soundtrack. the vehicle noises outside the window.

I WONDER: what he's thinking. if i'll ever be married with kids.

I REGRET: not agreeing to meet up 2 years ago. not playing with my dog more before. turning into a cynic so early. never having told my grandma that i love her.(must do that before it's too late)

I AM NOT: superwoman or feminist. or hostile. freak's sake, please get to know me first.

I SING: in the bathroom. and when i feel boppity and i like the songs that are being played. so pretty often.

I CRY: when i'm intensely irritated and misunderstood. when i watch sad shows. when i've got too many things on my mind and i've reached bursting point. when i'm rejected. when i'm homesick and lost.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: confident, hard and strong. sometimes when i say,"no, i'll manage on my own.' i actually mean,"i would like it if you accompanied me."

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: huh? edible things?

I WRITE: prose. short scribblings and in the past, poetry.

I CONFUSE: i dunno.

I NEED: sleep. family. nice tv programmes. friends. music.

I SHOULD: be doing those 50 'zao ju' questions. bathing and sleeping.

I START: sentences and sometimes forget what i'm saying. or i start from my seat when i get alarmed.

I FINISH: my food. what i say.

I LOVE: my family. (loved Baby). security. the smell of freshly-baked bread. being able to identify with songs. being appreciated. making others laugh. my close friends esp mich and cher(thanks for being there babes).

I REMEMBER: episodes in my life vaguely. i can still describe the events in detail, but yet, they're are kind of dull. that i was different.

night world. i'm dead beat.

can't you hear it sing?

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

i'm sort of numb-like. desensitised.

i've been having pretty average not-to-good days. maybe tomorrow will suck real nice and bad. nothing like having one of those really icky days. it'll just compliment the ickiness i've been feeling inwardly for a bit.

i mean, it's one thing having those fears yourself. but now it's like someone has made the same guesses which i only dared to think. and now kaboom!

it's all a wasted mess. oh but hey! i'm pretty used to it!

can't you hear it sing?

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

it's off my chest now. i feel so much better. and there's even a faint glimmer of hope. but one who has been quite used to disppointment doesn't dare to have the guts to think and hope big.

had lunch at fish&co. today. there's actually one near my school. defined by within 30 minutes brisk walk. nearly drove dong-eun, jeong-eun and me insane since we were so friggin' hungry. ended up eating for a long long time. and went to Hui Jin to buy some groceries and salads. finally decided that since it was almost dinner, we might as well grab some beer and head to my hostel for a food and drink session. and so they were here till about 11pm.

had fun catting and being completely silly. but it's time for lights out. i dunno how i'm gonna make it for class tomorrow.

can't you hear it sing?

Sunday, May 21, 2006

i had just poked my head out of my shell
only to wince and withdraw
retreating back nto the dark.

and who's to know how soft my insides are
till they crush the outer shell?
and that shell being my home and fortress.

came back really late on friday night. daddy wasn't oo happy coz i came trooping home at 1am. went to have dinner and karaoke with sara, dong-eun, jeong-eun, shin-ho, chung-ho, yuuki, shinji and wenkai.
it's the first time i'm attending a karaoke session and not knowing what they're singing. it's really interesting hearing all those korean and jap songs. and since we went to a japanese ktv lounge so the korean songs were really outdated. but they still sounded really nice and rather funny. i have since learnt that the koreans really sing well. chung-ho can do a pretty good imitation of jay chou and shin-ho's voice is really powerful and he has this humongous singing range!
wenkai took the tab till we split the cost but since we spent quite a bit, we got this free softtoy pig and i got it! it's quite big. they're all really friendly but we were a tad too sober. stood about for half an hour to debate how we would all end up going home coz some wanted to continue with a drinking session and were making arrangements so that the girls won't have to go back alone. but then, mine was really out of the way so i just took off.

went to Qian Dao Hu yesterday. it's really quite boring seriously. and today we dropped by Haining to buy leather goods. i bought a pair of gloves, some slippers and 3 coats. but it's good to chill with my dad. we get along really well.

came home. changed the bedsheets. it's easy when you have 2 people doing it. but it was a tough struggle alone. juiced some carrots and celery, and crushed gingko nuts for peeling. must be up early tomorrow to fry pancakes.

what happens if my guess is right? can't bear the thought.

can't you hear it sing?