Thursday, November 10, 2005
i will
never forget today. ever.
i was gonna go home. and rest a little. but my mom came to fetch me and told me my Baby died. i thought she was kidding. but she was so serious and mommy doesn't say jokes like these.
my doggy went to the garden to play. and a large snake came and strangled him. and my maid saw but they called the cops. but it was too late. and all this time, i was taking some STUPID EXAM PAPER.
oh God it hurts.
i love my Baby. i don't mind if he bites me over and over again now. i miss him so. i can't remember what the house was like without Baby at home. just yesterday he came running to greet me when i got home. and kept jumping at my legs coz i was carrying food. and i was playing with him and teasing him.
but i haven't dared pat him much lately coz i was so scared i'd get bitten and then i won't be able to write my exam papers. OH GOD!
but i'll never get to pat him again.
and i was thinking of taking my savings for the year and buying him another doggy friend after the A's so he won't be lonely.
that stupid snake came and strangled him. but he was faithful right? coz he was a master's dog. and i guess if he hadn't cried when the snake spotted him, then we wouldn't have known ever. until my mom or maid went to cut the plants in the back garden. and then, who knows?
but the snake wasn't there yesterday. it came at night. when it was raining coz baby was playing in the garden yesterday morning.
do you know how empty a house is? when i came home today, and the dog's pen was all folded up. the back garden looked so empty without him running in the bushes. and he won't be at the fence to greet me when i come home. and there's all his dog food. and the pillow i bought him for his birthday this year. and his leash. and his rubber toy. and the softtoy i gave him from my collection. i won't see his ears fold backwards when he's excited or watch him look at me imploringly when he wants my food. i'll never pick pieces of my dinner for him either. and he won't jump in through the grille or wag his little tail. and i won't pat his little round butt.
i feel so awful and i don't know where to throw it at. i can't scream at God. and i can't blame anyone. though i wish i were there then i take a stick and stab that disgusting snake. i hate snakes now. i'll hate them forever.
if no one does anything, i'm going to personally dig up the entire back garden of shrubs. EVERY STUPID ROOT AND PLANT. the trees will stay. but everything else will go. and if i have to take a pairs of shears to cut them after my exams i will do that. i will not let anything like this happen again.
oh God. this feels so surreal. i don't even feel like i'm even here. i can't believe this whole thing. and i don't want to believe it. my whole heart feels like it's being shredded if there's a heart left. and i don't want to be so sad coz my mom's worried about me. and my daddy doesn't even know. and my sister's getting engaged in 2 weeks. and my poor maid. she's the closest. Good Lord give me strength. for i am weak and there's only so much that i can take.i want to cuddle my Baby again.
