Thursday, October 27, 2005
today's entry is going to be long. so bear with me. or don't.
as a guideline, i'm blogging first, then lyric-ing and quiz-ing.
i remember junijia posting and entry about what she's gonna miss now that school's out and everyone's gone. lileng also did a eulogy-esque thing. but truthfully, i didn't feel the pangs of loss. what do we not lose? everything's so evanescent and we've got to have learnt that nothing, ever, lasts.
secondly, i felt that there was no finality. coz i know that post A's we're gonna meet up and play hard. maybe we'll bemoan the fact that the class isn't complete, but then it wasn't ever in the first place.
and now you're wondering why i'm posting, if it's all so 'gone with the wind'. after all, study break started quite a while back.
coz i'm paying my own tribute. and i only realised it today.
i was being dazed in my CCA room today. and it was raining. and rain always makes so many things crystal clear. it makes you mellow too. the councillors were noisy, busy with halloween preparations. there were all these peple milling around and my 2 juniors disturbing me.
and it hit me like a big yellow school bus, I AM GONNA MISS THIS PLACE. it isn't just missing hwachong. sure, the buildings will house the ghosts of our forgotten pasts. there will always be that seat in the audi with the cracked and taped table or the water cooler which squirts water on you and not into the bottle. or that barnacle thing on the toilet mirror.
but more importantly, it is the entire JC experience which i will miss. from the day i stepped into NJ with my pinafore, to the day i step out on HC in my brown uniform. there were times when i wished i never had to go to school. times when i would hide somewhere in school and cry. and then there were times where i looked forward to going to school and i would laugh twice as hard.
so here's a little summary of what JC life has taught me(and i'm not being sarcastic here):
- to lose. knowing there will be hurt at times, some loss.
- to have fun. (i've had fun before, but some have taught to play so hard that work is almost a sin)
- to share. your joys, your secrets, your burderns.
- to be alone.
- to regret. and to try not to regret.
- to play ball. i can't add the chapteh part coz i still can't kick a chapteh.
- to sing. (i used to be freaking scared of singing in public though i love singing.)
- to fail.
- and to win.
- to fall.
- and to get up.
and a list of thankyous to people whom i've gotten to know in the past 2 years.
daph and cheryl: you'll never read this. but i'm really grateful, to know you guys during the first 3 months. i can't say we're that close anymore. but knowing that we'll always have things to say really warms me. and i'll always remember that one afternoon after first 3 months and i was crying at the bus stop, you guys were awful nice to just cab down and pick me up to go shopping. gosh that was a long time ago.
shannon, lily and potion and tits: my 3 very interesting ex-classmates. it's a laugh. unforgettable. playing in chem pract. all the venezia's sessions. i can't count how much tartufo i've eaten. and coming down for HC carnival and celebrating my birthday last year's and this year's. and turning up for openhouse to watch me Lion Dance. grief.
alina and jc: sometimes you peeps just crack me up.
Friends: gawd the 2nd 3 months would have been unlivable. i don't suppose we're as close as before. but maybe there isn't the need anymore. you guys really get me and all my whimsical fancies. and my ridiculous jokes. all the times at the special canteen table.
yihan: i'm sorry. honestly speaking, i've never had such a close friend before and i don't think i will ever. i can't imagine how many times we discussed stuff like why the world works, why people behave in a certain manner. and all the gilmore and OC we watched in the computer lab. all the song lyrics we dissected and felt. thanks gurl. really.
Manda and huilin: my 2 LD mates and NP cadets. Being around you people makes me feel unfit and inactive. Especially manda. Always been there for me. and manda, thanks for not quitting LD coz I joined for the company.
gilyn and junjia: opposites attract huh? there's the 'i love pink' gilyn and the 'i won't cry' junjia. but both hear me out just fine. i think CSSP helped us get to know each other better. and junjia, we're really quite similar. but you're like my 'da-jie-da' and gilyn is my 'xiao-mei-mei'.
damian and yiling: hey geminis. damian i've talked to ages. we've both got the same kind of psychotic disorders and primary school pasts. so we ain't aliens. sometimes i get the feeling that i'm talking to myself. hee. and yiling, eating in the canteen with you and eating a lot. this girl makes me fat, coz she eats and it goes nowhere and i eat and it starts sticking to me. it's been nice knowing you.
Gladys and ger: gladys is a really sweet person. With a really funny blog. She’s so fresh.(this ain’t fish and veg that we’re talking about). Ger, 2 thumbs up!
ailin: hey superwoman. you really scared me then. when pw first started out. grief, i was wondering what you ran on, diesel, food or oxygen. but you're nice. really nice. and you look really sweet and huggable. and then sometimes you have the face which makes me want to pat your head. :)
lileng: my conscientious chem lab partner, who was freaking alarmed at my scatterbrained-ness. coz i always turned on the tap really big and it'll cover her with water. and she'd ask khengwee for help, coz i never knew the answers. And I’d interrupt you when you were titrating your chemicals and mess up the titration. And I was always so slow. Haha. Don’t take things too hard on yourself k?
khengwee, anthon, mao, alex, hanjie, yisheng: life in 71 will be really different without you guys around. Alex, I’ll never forget that you practically called me fat before. Haha. But I’ve always only been acting pissed. Please stop fanning yourself and scratching, coz the sound scares me. Khengwee, take mrt always go home with you. And 852 also. Some of the weirdest things you say. Like mouth exercises before blowing the harmonica. *rolls eyes* and yep you like Michaelangelo the orange ninja turtle. Keep being good-tempered k?
mao, haix. The always late PW groupmate. And you were late for GP today. Yup, I’ll remember that muscular guys have ‘wings’ and your childhood fetish for watching manhunt competitions. Keep being as junjia calls you a ‘gentle giant’.
Yisheng: we listen to the same kind of music. Class 95 rox! Haha. Soft rock, 90’s , no. 1 weekend, winner’s weekend…but no techno! I’m still wary of what you say.. coz always pian wo.
hanjie, I was quite scared of you. And still am sometimes. That time you said you were gonna run 50km or something for fun, I thought you were mad la. Don’t look so angry.
Anthon. Honestly, sometimes I can’t really hear what you’re saying. And last time I thought you and mao were the same person. But then talking to you makes be feel that a)you’re very smart. B) I’m not smart. Haha. But you’re not so scary as before. And you’re really nice too!.
Teachers: so many thankyous that I’ll run out. In so many ways I feel really encouraged. To better myself. Especially this year. Ms wong looked at me reproachfully once, and asked why I didn’t do my homework. She’s never scolded, but she’s never needed to, coz it was enough to make me do up my work. And she’s been really encouraging all the way.
Mr lee. All the chem remedial lessons, and questions and consultation and attempts at other problems and you’re really approachable. And I’m actually seeing results. Hope it lasts. And I really appreciate it. I can’t imagine what would have happened otherwise.
Mr wong. I still don’t like gp. But you’re trying really hard to help me with the subject even though I do write really awful AQs and have pretty atrocious language. Colloquialism and all. Thanks.
I’m drained. But I’ll post the lyrics and still finish the quiz.
“Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts”
-- fame academy,
don’t speak --
Emotional much? Heard it on tv mobile today. Gosh her voice in the chorus, sounded really pained.
1. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
clarissa from pri sch. And sandal(I can’t spell his name) my old neighbour.
2.Where was your first kiss?
waiting for it to happen.
3.Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
people’s erasers?
4.Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
I poured water on lily last year and boxed hanjie on the arm this year. And bullied my older cousin.
5.Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?
karaoke lounge?
6.What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?
broad shoulders.
7.What really turns you on?
I don’t know. This is ambiguous.
8.What do you order at Starbucks?
nothing? Tea. I like coffee bean more.
9.What is your biggest mistake?
there have been many.
10.Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
no. unless you count pinching myself when I fall asleep in tuition..
11.Say something totally random about yourself.
I love drinking water.
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
weep. no.
13.Do you still watch kiddie movies or tv shows?
Scooby doo? And old Disney cartoons
14.Did you have braces?
nope..
15.Are you comfortable with your height?
i guess. There are days I wish I were taller to even out my weight. And days when I wished I were shorter.
16.What is the sweetest thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?
I can’t imagine. None?
17.When do you know it's love?
dunno. When it hurts?
18.Do you speak any other languages?
chinese. Some Cantonese(not enough for my grandma to understand) and I can count from 1 to 99 in malay.
19.Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
no. I’m trying to get back to my fair self..
20.What magazines do you read?
I don’t. but maybe Female.
29.Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
nope.
30.Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?
yep. sigh.
1. whose picture is it that you keep on your wallet?
neoprints with friends.
2. what time do you go to bed?
11.
3. what was the last thing you did before filling this survey?
talked to khengwee online.
4. who's the one you always meet the most?
my family.
5. who's the person you're gonna call if you need help?
touffu. Or cher. Sometimes terence when I’m completely out.
6. what's on your mind right now?
dunno.
8.with whom do you wanna be to have fun?
loved ones.
9. what movie do u wanna watch now?
everlasting regret.
10. when was the last time you went out?
today. To school. Does that count?
11. what do you hate the most for now?
studying. And knowing that school’s gonna end.
12. when was the first time you slept alone?
11? 10. alone in your bed, alone in your room?
13. what do you wanna do for now?
sleep. Which I don’t deserve.
14. what do you do everyday besides eat and sleep?
study. Eat. Chat. Tv.
15. fave pet?
my dog. Even though he bites, coz it’s better than my hamster and goldfish last time which didn’t talk and didn’t bite.
17. colors that make you happy?
cream yellow and red.
19. what was the last thing you bought for your room?
a whiteboard. And a weighing scale
21. do you cook?
yes!.
22. miss someone?
I think so. Feels like it.
23. plan to buy something?
what a ridiculous question. No. 1 priority my PHONE!
24. are you satisfied with your life now?
not entirely. It’s been better, and it’s been a lot worse.
25.do you like seafood?
I like them raw. Japanese style..
26. breakfast or dinner?
currently I’m feeling queasy. Neither.
27. what do you usually eat for breakfast?
food. Cereal and fruit. Maybe yoghurt and bread. And porridge.
28. did you eat breakfast today?
uhuh. Cornflakes with milk and papaya.
29. do you recycle?
not intentionally.
30. do you have a laptop?
nah.
31. what's your favorite fast food?
yakiniku burger from MOS.
32. cats or dogs?
dogs.
33. salty or sweet?
salty? Sometimes sweet.
34. city or country?
a bit of both?.
35. what's your favorite kind of jeans?
I don’t enough to find a favourite. Low-rise or hipsters I guess. And boot-leg. No pleats.
36. Is kissing normal for your age?
I have no idea. It is..but then it’s still weird.
37. are you athletic?
not really.
38. do you swear?
yup.
39. would you ditch your friends for a date?
I dunno. Have never been in such a situation.
40. coke or pepsi?
Coke for the taste. Pepsi for the name.
41. sugar or spice?
dunno.
42. can you use chopsticks?
yes! And I can’t use fork spoon and knife properly..
43. do you like to read for pleasure?
sort of. More last time.
44. do you care about getting good grades?
very.
45. have you ever fallen asleep in class?
easier to count the number of times that I was awake.
46. get a job or ask your parents for money?
job.
47. is your dad strict?
depends.
48. do your parents give you enough privacy?
I guess. But I tell them a lot of stuff so they don’t need to intrude.
49. do your parents trust you?
somewhat. less than my sis.
50. would you trade places (in life) with your best friends..?
I guess not. I’m me for a reason.
51. does your best friend get on your nerves?
don’t really have best friends. But friends do.
52. do you make friends quickly?
dunno. Ask them not me.
53. do you get jealous of your friends?
I get envious sometimes. But then usually it’s coz I’m disgusted with my own incompetence.
54. do you tell your mom everything?
not everything.
55. what do you & your parents fight about the most?
my irresponsibility. The unfulfilled expectations.
If you’ve got this far. Thanks. I hope I've kept you sufficiently amused.
