Saturday, October 01, 2005
today is not a good day. there's some premonition somewhere that it's just gonna suck real bad. and maybe everything is just gonna go wrong.
my dad's back and he just spoke a few minutes to me about exams and doing well etc. and my mom already talked about that on friday. and ofcourse, my sister and her boyfriend have also chipped in their 2pence worth. but i'm so freaking tired of hearing that i didn't even bother responding and so my dad was basically talking to my back.
i mean, i'm okay with them reminding me as and when coz sometimes i do forget what i'm aiming for. or at least i'm so well-accquainted with my lack of goals.
secondly, i'm not to change my phone till after A's. and by then i'll have SAT subject tests to worry about. i'm irritated that what i want is so hard to achieve. i'm irritated at myself. i set certain standards or wish certain things of myself and when i don't produce the results i get into bouts of i-hate-myself. which is so not healthy. and practically everything that i want to do, my parents are like against it. there's this chinese word 'wo nang'. pretty much somes up everything.
i didn't know that my second would be a loner. oh well. i was thinking i'd get some class clown thing again.
 | You scored as Mermaid. Mermaid: Mermaids are also known as Sirens. These creatures were beautiful women who tricked sailors into becoming completely entranced by their haunting voices and found death soon after. Not all stories of Mermaids are about gentle loving sea people. They are mystical, magical, and extremely dangerous. They have a way about them that brings anyone they are around to seem enchanted. They are very mysterious creatures and to meet one... Would mean certain Death. Let the song of the Sea fill your soul, for you are a Mermaid.
Mermaid | | 42% | WereWolf | | 33% | Faerie | | 33% | Angel | | 33% | Dragon | | 25% | Demon | | 17% |
What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
created with QuizFarm.com |
keep the focus. shut out everything else from your life. right now, i just want to be alone.
Friday, September 30, 2005
*weep* i didn't do well for math. sure enough i passed. but it's never enough is it?
the class went out for lunch near beauty world then we sat around and i drank my first Milo Dino(i forgive you if you look at me in some shocked manner). technically i drank half. and i'm pretty glad too. honestly, i'll stick to plain milo. the sugar kind(i don't like condensed milk with milo)
then we hung around waiting at the bus stop for the bus to come. gilyn damian and i ended up having a very long talk. and by the end, gilyn was convinced that both damian and i are exceedingly pessimistic people. (and she never thought that of myself)
both of them agreed that i was really elitist. so i decided to check the dictionary and it says that it is a system where a small group of people are in control with power. hmm..i'm not exactly in favour of that, though i'll say that many things which i find beneficial or favourable are largely advantageous only to a select few. not necessarily the rich/powerful/pretty etc. those are predetermined categories set in place by age-old trends.
and as much as i like pretty things(it encompasses every aspect of life), i will not hesitate to blame myself for any failure knowing that it is probably attributed to my own laziness/imprudence/inability etc.
we dwelled on a selection of topics including which food you'll choose to eat for the rest of your life(only one kind). i decided on wakame or tsukimi udon. which is seaweed or egg udon soup. beef noodles has lost the battle that it had previously won since the time when i was in upper primary.
and predictably we ended up discussing life and love in general along with certain people's perceptions of life.
my verdict which was supported by damian was that we believe and long for the kind of love present in period shows. the sort which is so loud and in-your-face, which people are not afraid to proclaim, which figuratively should split the stones and flatten the mountains. and can be kept alive by the simplest of gestures and will not simply be put to the test with petty suspicions. it is really something worth dying for. as quiet as it is loud.
and yet both of us are resigned that it may never happen though we continually search. because in this 'fast-paced and highly-competitive modern society', we simply do not have the liberty or time to endorse such ideals. love, or its cheaper counterpart, has become commonplace. belittled with casual sweet-nothings or empty promises.
perhaps some may choose to disagree. believing rather that those are but fairy stories. and perhaps that they have never existed. or, maybe certain specimens like yours truly has never witnessed that which is beautiful and is obviously too jaded to think better of present day.
but gilyn had to agree that some relationships have gotten to casual. too commonplace. is there really sanctity in love? or maybe the ideal form just never did exist. damian's surely no spokesperson for marriage, apparently it's dull and boring and mutually degenerating.
now please don't mistake me for for delirous idiot who has been shortchanged. i can't say much in defense. gilyn thinks that i'll never be happy, because the expectations are there. maybe.
but as much as i don't feel people today are capable of the ideal, i too am strongly embedded in the belief that it is there, somewhere. (a tad contradictory right?) it's the hope in wishing that someday, somewhere, someplace in time, it'll happen with someone.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
i've just realised that i haven't spoken to some people in class(in particular 2 people) for over a month now. didn't think it was that long. though i didn't exactly
just realise it either. it does seem rather final doesn't it? but if it is the way it is to be, maybe it's time i get very used to it.
i went out today. God forbid!
met up with daphne and jiachien. supposed to drag potion out, but mean potion decided to be sick today so no amount of coaxing would move his feverish state to town. ha. okie okie. i'll be kind. if he reads this, GET WELL SOON!.
i finally found someone who was willing to watch The Myth today.(the mandarin name is SO MUCH better). it's a movie with too many lose ends. it fared pretty well in the front. nice
qian shi jin sheng(past-present life) plot. but then like those plots, it's hard to sustain something realistic. and the end was pretty funny. it got really special-effect-ish(that's so GP). i mena, there was this guy who was supposedly immortal but then he bled and was like seriously injured after sustaining a bullet wound. but it's a pretty feel good movie anyway. and the Bollywood actress is pretty(fine, daph wins) what's her name? melinda sherawat?
the Korean actress was pretty okay too is certain shots. but i think the best part was probably the stage sets. i mean, these shows usually have pretty costumes right? and the theme song was pretty nice. i shall go hunting for it. :)
and so we took neos again. so predictable. i've got tonnes with daph in it from those NJ days and outings.
junjia lent me Stairway to Heaven and i still have Full House to watch. ah! and ailin's going to Korea in Dec! gonna visit Jewel's stage sets! Ah! what if it gets all demolished before i can visit? and what if Matamata(the stage set of LOTR) also disappears before i get to see?
i realise that i never regarded travelling as a hobby. it was more of a bonus. but now, if i had one thing to choose as a hobby, i'd say, travelling.
Monday, September 26, 2005
i never quite understood the word moderation. or the self-control which enabled its possesors to command themselves with. or maybe those people just never saw the need to have to un-moderate themselves. but i certainly haven't been moderate lately. considering the excessive hours watching tv and reading. anyways, i karaoke-ed for a 3rd time in 4 days. saturday night. 15 hours of karaoke is really quite a bit eh? and the cousins went to Max Brenner's choc bar for a drink. just the place for my tonsilitis-prone throat. it's not bad i guess. but i don't see why the crowds keep coming. the fondue is okay, the hot chocolate's too chocolatey to let you really savour the taste. that said, i'll pass on another time there. if i really want choc, give me thin bitter squares of dark choc, a triangle of toblerone, a cookies and cream Hershey's Kiss, a rectangle of Royce from Taka or a mug of steaming English Hot Chocolate(the milky rothy variety). it so much better having them in their pure forms. and yes, choc milk is NOT the same at hot choc.
i almost had to drag myself here to blog. but i decided that any publicity for Changjin is good publicity!
gilyn lent me the last part of Jewel in the Palace. and it's brilliant! i finished it yesterday and it's so nice! i can understand why damian bought the soundtrack despite it being in Korean though i may not go to that extent(but you never know). it's so sweet and touching! and to think that the rivalry which the story centred upon wasn't the true climax at the end. i mean, you'd think taht you'll feel so glad when she finally puts those awful peeps behind bars and let them have their just deserts. but it don't matter coz what you really want is seeing her be happy ultimately. and like what damian said, the last 5 episodes were pure heaven. i hadn't cried a single epiosde in the whole show so i was beginning to wonder if i was immune to Korean sob stories. but the last 5 episodes just totally activated my tear glands and my sister were laughing at each other through our tears. then my mom saw me crying away and she got pretty concerned. haha.
anyways, i think the King is awful nice in the end. the way the both guys love her is just so moving. and Min Zhenghao and Changjin make such a good pair!. anyways, i think the love shown in period dramas is way more touching. the one-and-only concept and their quiet ways of expressing their affection and yet making it seem so great at the same time.. sigh.
the whole point of borrowing the discs was so i won't need to buy them seeing that i had watched so much of it. but after finishing it, i'm more than convinced that i've got to go get them. and the DVDs too! and sit myself down post-As and watch the whole series from the start(i missed the beginning see?). bee-yoo-ti-ful!
next thing to accomplish. it comes just only a year too late, i actually got down to reading The Da Vinci Code since my momma bought it. at page 449 out of 592 pages... i must say that i'm disappointed.
truthfully, i haven't picked up an English book since last year i think. and that quite odd for me. considering that i used to devour a book or 2 a week in sec school. but since early last year i've abandoned that good habit and the only new books i've read probably include Louis Cha's swordfighting novels.
this book's been okay considering that i haven't put it down yet. a little startling coz it largely criticises my religion and its origins. and already stated to be unwholesome reading matter. and as much as it is intriguing, i'm constantly reminding myself that what the book states cannot be true else, what am i believing now? and though they largely sound kinda real..who knows really?
more importantly i'd say, is that the book hasn't been mind-blowing good. i mean, for it to be on the bestseller's list, it's got to be riveting(love stories rarely make it there) so understandably, people will be attracted to it. but it lacks the punch that makes you lose sleep over books. the middle is where all the contradictions against the church arise and yet it also seems to fall a little flatter and become less mind-boggling. the scurying around was all too fresh at first but it got kinda boring and predictable. i mean, me reading the book coz guess the clues and suspects..so figures it can't be that good. mind-blowing.. let's see, Memoirs of Geisha, LOTR and Gone with the Wind are 3 books that kept me wanting more. and others never did let you down when you were reading 'em.
and lastly, i'm onto watching Full House now, another Korean series, except that it's happy. and some parts can get really funny and stupid. lighthearted food i guess.
concluding.. please go watch Jewel!
