Saturday, September 10, 2005
oh my gawd.
it's
MAF.
it's happening now. and i'm not there.
what am i thinking?
Friday, September 09, 2005
i heard a particular hymn 2 years ago. i was really tired then. sick to the stomach revising for the exams. and i remember that very special Sunday morning that i had prayed fervently to be energised and refreshed with God behind me.
He answered. immediately after, the thanksgiving hymn sung was really beautiful. the chorus is stated at the bottom right hand corner of the screen. it really encouraged me and knowing that He was willing to shoulder my burden..it was a great relief.
of course, i still do hear this song sung these days. just last week in fact. but the effect has somewhat faded. 2 years have made a great difference. between then and now, i've morphed from a new confirmant into someone who falls asleep midway in her prayers. who has began to show signs of doubt, but it more than willing to crawl her way back. and now, i'm still looking to Him for answers.
yesterday, with inspiration from potion's blog, i was sorely tempted to blog about the things that i seriously want to do after A's. but it does seem rather foolish now.(what insanity when i've got so much to cover still) i will eventually. maybe sometime next week. but i've lost the feel for it at the moment.
excuse my vanity for a second. i just realised that i like my smile. and my teeth. i used to dislike it coz all my cousins have got the same kind of smile. except me. my sis took after my dad. and all my other cousins took after their dads(or mom in the case of onme cousin) and somehow, they've all got the same Lee family smile. was kinda sad that i got my mom's oval-shaped lips instead of my dad's toothy grin. but on hindsight, that makes me unique!
OC season 3 is out in the US! i'm glad glad glad! pity that marissa's out of Harbor school though, been sent to Newport Union after Trey's shooting. can't they bring back Anna? she's so pretty and sweet and fresh. if Summer symbolises passion, fire and impulsiveness, then Anna's a wet spring breeze, or the refreshing chilly wind of winter.
tomorrow's MAF. i'm debating whether to attend. i mean, it's MAF. like M-A-F. it's the thing which hwachongians can't miss. but ya see, last year was pretty boring(but that's hardly anybody's fault except mine)i can't dance our mass dances, and i was in the LD performance and feeling rather sticky and sweaty. and yeah, there wasn't relly much to do. the teahouse doesn't serve tea by the way. but i don't suppose it's the 'what-you're-doing' but 'who-you're-with' that really counts. and this year will be different from the last. and then you wonder, if there are quite a number of plus points..where does the dilemma come in?
coz 2 days after is prelims. no actually, it's PRELIMS. no it's P-R-E-L-I-M-S. now that's a little more accurate. and if you liken my bio revision to a train, you can imagine that it won't move. coz there's been nothing feeding it. meaning, no revision, no fuel, no movement. i guess there wasn't any concrete intention of actually finishing it. more of getting it nailed than really reading everything. and anyways, exams itself isn't that bad. it's the ride leading to it that sucks. the whole waiting. waiting an ultimate doom that will claim you inevitably. but once you acknowledge that you're prolly gonna screw it up, it don't feel too bad.
excuse me here. i'm not being defeatist. it's called being realistic. no point expecting the stars and moon when really all you'll ever get is prolly dust. i'm still gonna give it my shot and keep my fingers crossed regarding the end result.
yesterday i was packing my bric-a-brac. i love that word. so scattered and miscellaneous. and sounds better than barang-barang. i found loads of stuff that i've always kept in metal or cardboard boxes. everyone's treasure chest of secrets. stuff which i had forgotten that existed. and new stuff to add. and stuff that i've almost forgotten the stories linked to them. i found loads of NP related items so i've prepared a new box for them. darling sweet. 4 years of golden goodness. and found the encouraging notes i received from my juniors for the exams.
unfortunately, the situation now is rather lonely. all the battles you're fighting, all the obstacles you're overcoming, all the wounds you're sustaining.. alone. and you can't stop. goones knows what's gonna creep up from behind and poke some pointy object in your back and *gasp* you're dead!
i'm not being sadistic here. or upset. just painting a very real picture with a touch of humour. my friend's friend 'lost' a file. now it wasn't misplaced. it just grew wings and started flew away.
that's all folks. sleep beckons.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
as it is, i'm progressing at snail's pace and even then the notes are confusing me.
the bio molecules notes from bio and the biochem option notes from chem are like teaching 2 different things. the equation in the chem notes looks quite obviously wrong and the pleated sheet thingy looks weird. and i can't believe that we're supposed to internalise the structures of the monosaccharides. *weep*
my dad came back last night. to stay just one day and he's flying off today. it's kinda sad coz i haven't seen him in 2 months. i know that there are families where the kids can't freaking be bothered how often they actually see their parents but let's just say that that isn't the case for me.
sure my dad's been flying ever since i can remember and it's easier having my dad away than my mom. but all the same, everything's so much more complete having both daddy and mommy right? home is where the family is.
and then we kept nagging at him to take care of his health. especially me. i can't help it that i'm constantly paranoid and freaking out over dying and all those distasteful subjects.
this time round my dad brought back loads of stuff. MAF coming round and all, there's loads of mooncakes at home. and with my mom buying more to give away. there's like at least 10 boxes of mooncakes from various places. the Wing Wah mooncakes which my dad got from Hongkong are yummy. especially the white lotus seed paste with double yolk. and i'm still waiting for my mom to get the yam paste ones from crown hotel.
my dad also went shopping for us. come to think of it, a lot of my clothes are bought by him. he just gauges the size and buys stuff which he thinks are nice. the larger ones go to me and the smaller ones to my sis and mom. this time round i got 3 puma tops and 1 shirt. quite a comfort considering my inability to leave the house and shop.
i'm looking forward to the next time that he'll be coming back. it'll be for 1 week. but then after that, goodness knows when China has another public holiday.. chinese new year?
Monday, September 05, 2005
do you hear?
is someone calling?
why do you wait?
are you missing something?
there's a train to catch.
there are bags to pack.
there are doors to close,
gates to lock.
no one's coming.
do stop waiting.
you keep looking over your shoulder.
keep staring behind into space.
what are you searching for?
what are you hoping to see?
you are late.
so very late.
there's a long way ahead.
why do you still wait?
