Friday, May 20, 2005
i watched the bball guys match today. i'm convinced that whatever i watch loses. last year's judo, this year's girls' softball, guys water polo and now the bball match. it was so close. neck to neck all the way. but it felt good to cheer and scream though.
during break we played vball. and a puny bit of captain's ball. i remember looking up to see where the ball was heading but since the sun was in my eyes, i couldn't exactly see anything then it came down and bounced off my shoulder.
so i played the funniest game of capt's ball ever. i guess it's pretty much a girls' game but all the 'gentle' rules were totally trashed today. and i nearly died laughing.
1. mao and khengwee kneeling on the floor wrestling the ball from each other.
2. hanjie holding the ball and running in some charging fashion(think rugby).
3. yisheng and mao shaking the chair i was standing on vigorously in hope of toppling me over.
4. anthon trying to wrestle mao to shop the vibrations.
it was positively stupid. we should be on 'just for laughs' or something.
and we had bio lecture today. mrs foo was going through the details of paturition(aka labour). we girls were totally grossed out over what she said. it sound really horrible. me does not intend to be a gynae anymore. i distinctly remember shuddering while she talked away. i still want kids. but the thought of giving birth. ack.
and seems like the number of things you can't eat/do are thousandfold when you're pregnant. and the number of diseases which you can contract, not to mention the medicine you can't eat. it's a miracle that people can still give birth.
i'm learning that i have numerous reservations. lots that i never had. i used to be a lot more spontaneous and forthcoming. but it's no use now, to a)wear your heart on your sleeve, b)to spill your thoughts or c)to be no-holds barred.
every year that i age, i look back and feel embarrassed about some action which i took during the past year. usually coz i acted before i thought. many times, it wasn't coz i didn't think of the consequences, but simply coz, you didn't want to think that anything undesirable will happen so you only thought positive. no matter how prepared i thought i was, i never really reconciled the fact that i could be wrong and things just plain screw up. almost immediately after i turned 17, i fell straight into a mess and i can only look back in shame.
i'm so not gonna do anything within the next 2 weeks that i'm gonna regret. i want to start a brilliant year. 18 has to be almost perfect.
but along with reservations, i believe i've learnt tolerance, confidance and silence too. i've never been afraid of confrontation. i'd very much like people to speak my mind. maybe i'll get really upset if i'm affected or else, i'll bear it, talk it out and fix it. i hate burying problems.
yet, i've been less confrontational too. if something's gonna come out, it will in due time and meanwhile, i'll just keep my silence.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
i got down to doing some work during school hours today. it felt pretty amazing. i haven't done anything for at least a week. *groan*
after school today, yihan, suan, shin, junjia, gilyn and i watched My Sassy Girl in the LT. i quite like it. i mean, i've watched it before. but the twist at the end always gets to me.
i'm debating whether i should attend the famine camp. i need some hours and i don't wanna waste my time on some flag day activity. i'm not hesitant to give. i just want to feel that's it's worth the sacrifice. 30hours no food and sleep. sounds rather gastric-inducing though.
LD elections were over yesterday. it's all been pretty fast. i mean, i've been moaning about it. but it sure is gonna be over soon.
truthfull,y i don't feel anything. and it isn't coz i'm incapable of feeling. 4 years of NP. i had a life, a history and a presence to cry for. so much so that even on the last day, there wasn't a need for tears. no less than a bucket had been shed on a regular basis. but LD's different. there wasn't mich to give, or much to give for.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
an ode to PW.
bloody unbelievable. i'm reeling from shock here. and you should to. i miss PW. ack. can't believe myself.
we got back our PW files today. this behemoth of a file. i guess it finally closes the chapter of J1 life. the whole file, filled with papers and bursting at the seams.
so we took a glance at it. and then.. we took the file apart. lileng, ailin and me each took a stack of paper to be used as rough paper. maojiang got the file. so ends the story of pw.
but looking back. pw was pretty fun. not the work of course. just the discussions, sitting with your group mates and frankly laughing away at everything and barely getting anything done. or having those meetings in school which are frankly less draining then tutorials and lectures now.
it was never about stupid compilation or paraphrasing skills. neither was it about job allocation or online research. whatever it was, it was pretty worth it.
Monday, May 16, 2005
"Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time
and hung me on a line
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you
Maybe I'm a girl and maybe I'm a lonely girl
who's in the middle of something
that she doesn't really understand
Maybe I'm a girl and maybe you're the only man
who could ever help me
Baby, won't you help me understand
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song
Right me when I'm wrong
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you"
-- jem,
maybe i'm amazed --
this song is powerful. it says everything and so many things.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
i've been blogging pretty frequently over the past week. it's the 'i don't wanna do work' syndrome.
would you believe this? i actually enjoyed the run! so maybe i'm not quite prepared for 2.4 and i'll prolly fail. but it felt good that my muscles actually work! ran 1.2km straight, which sounds really pathetic but it's quite a feat for me. and tried the fitness stations for fun. was trying to challenge myself to the highest standard for all of the stations. but it's pretty funny coz i was trying to climb up a pole and ended up with a thigh cramp which i find rather amusing since i didn't know you can actually get a thigh cramp. anyway, managed to psyche myself into believing that i got some real exercise.
today i did the one thing one should never do. i went grocery shopping on an empty stomach. but frankly we didn't buy anything that sinful. a pack of caramelised biscuits and pancake mix? coz everything else consisted of a half cart of veg and plain youghurt and some eggs and stuff. it did take a lot of self-control not to wipe the 2 shelves filled with chips and biscuits right into my trolley.
i guess that's it for a weekend. anything but interesting i'd say. gonna finish the last episode of OC!
