Thursday, April 14, 2005
i don't know where to begin.
i assume that i've been in a pretty good mood lately. especially the past week. i mean, considering i was sick for a whole week before that. one of the better weeks of school this year. not like there were many events happening, just slow constant upkeep with everything.
but something's threatening to upset that whole balance. i mean, since last october, i've gone through 2 cycles. and i almost thought it'd stop for good. i guess it can't totally absent itself out of your life. not when it's a daily affair. but nope..it's creeping back in again.
i kinda know i'll prolly make the same mistake again, that's what's holding me back from rushing headfirst in. but all the same, i'm still walking closer and closer to the edge, ya know, the view's breathtaking, how can i resist it?
i can't settle for bland balance in life. i'll want to fulfill every aspect of my existence. but there's always this gaping hole somewhere. but even then, i'm always so willing to trade the serene blanace for some spurt of elation, only to feel discontented later with my self-constructed mess, then long for tranquility and later lust for exhilaration.
upcoming event of the week. san's bbq. an evening of unadulterated fun. i'm hoping to be entertained. clowns do occasionally get weary.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
yesterday.
there was something to say. apparently.
what's that?
i want to know.
i really do.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
gah.
dreams are scary. i don't think it's just about whether they are expressing what your mind usually thinks about.
it's scary coz some of them actually come true.
i remember ice-skating 2 weeks back and i had this feeling of deja vu. as if i had been there before. then i figured that i had dreamt it. everything. the professional coach on skates to the ice-resurfacing machine. though good Lord knows i've never seen that friggin' machine in my life.
but given a chance to choose. despite that i've had pretty good dreams which i wish actually do come true. i'll gladly have all the dreams just stay as dreams so long as this one doesn't come true.
a few days back, i dreamt that my mom died. it was all pretty real. right down to the new handphone charm which broke. then i woke up and was so very grateful that it was all a crappy dream.
but then, my mom's gonna head over and join my dad for a while in shanghai.. so. i'm gonna go all cranky. yihan and debs sure know that. i get all touchy when my mom goes overseas. imagining things like car crashes, plane crashes and even cruise capsize. and i have to constantly remind myself that it's all gonna be fine.
urgh. i'm insane. so anyway. i brought up the issue with my mom just now. just to get some reassurance that i'm just being stupid ole me as per normal.
hmm..i must ask my mom again later.
