Saturday, April 09, 2005
don't tell me that second chances are hard to come by. coz they're not.
they just don't come by at all.
there's this old song called 'hou lai' by liu ruo ying which has been playing in my head for 2 days now. i mean, the tune's catchy and all, i just wonder whether it is the lyrics that are so hard to get out of my head. the line which says the people who've gone past don't come back. but if i'm so fixed on it and convinced that we don't get second chances then why am i waiting for answers?
sigh. love is dead.
this isn't some heartbreak session. it's just a realisation that the day modern man was borne, love keeled over and died.
i just don't get guys. they're dense and oblivious. james said my sister was angry.so i tried to suggest ways to soothe her. but then he gets defensive and says that that isn't what should be done. and guys don't do this or that. and real men have certain characteristics like being arrogant, chauvinistic and proud.
what utter bullshit. real men, are gracious, righteous and most of all, humble. they should know when to give. i mean what's the point of mentioning that she's pissed and then not wanting to do anything about it?
i don't want to think that i'm asking for too much. being too idealistic. but the truth is, i'm increasingly believing that i don't do reality. coz the romantic, sensitive yet macho sorts which i see in books obviously belong to some ancient forgotten past. men who stand up for what they believe in. for the one they love. maybe these people are heroes and not mere mortals, but still i shudder to think of what's to come.
on a frivolous note. i'm watching my dressing style evolve. i hate uniforms. not just the dull coarse cloth we wear to school. i'm refering to what we wear when we head out. the same skirts, denims, tanks and tshirts. different colours maybe, but we all end up looking the same. coz we're all influenced by the same trends. and we want to dress like those our age. maybe the security of looking normal.
what normality is this? to dress identical to the person next to you? already i don't wear tshirts. those are meant for home wear. but even then i'm bored of myself. bored that i should shop at all the same shops. look out for the same pieces and wear God forbid! the same things. there are so many colourful things to wear. why do we pick common cotton? there's lycra, spandex, polyester, silk, taffeta, satin, denim, broadcloth, interwoven fabric, wool, knit. and we pick dull solid coloured cotton.
i'm going to look for different stuff to wear. i'll hate myself if i pick up streetwear again.
denise looked at me yesterday with a really serious expression and said, " i hope you don't ever give up reading chinese books."
no. i won't. ever. i love every word i'm reading now. i'm awful proud to be able to dissect the verses and know that so few words can convey so very many feelings and emotions. and it gladdens me to know that i can digest it. people wonder why i studied chinese literature, i wonder too.
i shouldn't have bothered with the studying, just the loving and appreciating.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
did you see the bubbles?
i love the way that they're so pretty.
i hate it that they're so transient.
i'd like to think that every one of them carries a little bit of hope and a little bit of cheer.
a little bit of childhood.
did you see them burst?
their protective shields melting to nothingness.
swirling as they disappear.
taking with them my naivete.
thank
you.
i'm getting better.
sun's out. it's time to play.
bubblebubblebubble pop.
