Thursday, March 24, 2005
i'm talk funny. also do whenever i watch gilmore. GG isn't some spectacular 'you'll-die-if-you-don't-watch' series. but it does invoke in you the thought of why you don't watch it more often once you start.
i've been thinking of changing my blog template for a while. and i couldn't ever figure what sort of template picture to use. was thinking of doing a collage of pictures in my life to sort of explain the whole concept of my existence. but that sounds so jarringly messy and unprofessional. and half the time so many pictures which i see don't express what i truly feel. teen-angsty blog designs are even more un-me.
then i saw this picture from gilmore and i've got to have it. i started doing all manner of weird things to get it. like google-ing it, searching through the 1996 Yale Daily News archives, searching via latin words and student organisations. but in truth, it exists in the show. so i'm trying to find a similar substitute. to much despair though. but i've got to have it.
think, ya know, sometimes you go shopping and nothing quite catches your eye. sure, they are undeniably pretty things but they aren't to-die-for or must-haves. well, i've gone shopping and it's a must-have.
a pretty rustic, black and white of 3-4 people jumping off a cobblestone bridge into a running river carrying opened umbrellas.
i can't explain it. there's so much emotion in that little image.
a picture paints a thousand words.
it just painted mine.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
happy birthday Baby!
he's one today. got him a pillow, a rubber toy, a box of cookies and an anti-plaque chew.
today was kinda weird. not really that weird actually. just dullish. i came to school and it hit me, it's been a year. this time, last year, i stepped into hwachong for the first time as a student. so maybe it wasn't 2303. it was 220304. and it was a monday instead. but nonetheless. the same overwhelming misfitness, the same 'i don't belong here'. but now, oh, i'm just part of the fabric. or so i'd like to hope.
and i saw the same fear and uncertainty on people's faces. the same wary look of their surroundings. did i look like that too? i remember jiayan pulling me in and welcoming me really excitedly. but i also remember that i didn't get sense of my orientation really right. got yanked about so much that when i finally got time to sit down and ponder, it hit me like a rock..what the hell was i doing there? oh well, a year changes many things don't it? and it can't kill you, though it should.
so i was sitting at the class bench studying my chem. and these J1s are screaming at the bench next to us. going all hysterical and excited about the announcements for the new class next week. then this thought came to my mind which i was sorely tempted to voice, "hi there. could you turn it down there. i'm really happy for those who are staying, but for those who aren't, life goes on. so i found out. but you know, if i don't pass this chem block, my life won't."
chem was bad. bad in every sense of the word. didn't think it could be that bad. spa was okay. but the free response was really awful. considering i prepared it for a week, i'm amazed that i still couldn't do the paper. i was gaping at it and wondering what to do with the info i had on hand. oddly, this feeling of disorientation and loss is hardly new to me. i guess i get to experience it pretty often now. heez.
now, now. before you think i'm getting into my moods. i'm not. i'm perky and chipper. a tad tired maybe. but rather lively. and i'm not feeling wistful or any nonsense, just paying what's due to some space in time.
i clocked a personal best of 109 seconds for the intermediate level of minesweeper! it's just a fun game. i tried to break it many times but missed by a little each time.
okay. shoo-shoo now. it's time to go.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
i was about to blog on saturday. but then i was so mentally and physically exhausted that the mere thought of waiting for the computer to boot was enough to turn me off.
we had the LD cup on saturday at NTU. there were pretty few schools. we got a bronze. think SYF rating system. and i'm so bloody pissed about it. we deserved a silver at least. and our coordination was better than NYP which got gold. i'm not being a sore loser or something coz i know we really deserved it. what with female lions and all. so maybe we didn't use guys like what they do traditionally. but did they see the standing ovation and hear the loudest applause from NTU and SP guys when they witnessed our performance. the fact that we too could do it. as opposed to the other teams where girls carried props and did nothing. furthermore, there were all these snickers from other troupes as if, we can study and that's about where our talent ends. geez. sorry to burst your bubble there. perhaps all those ageing veterans just couldn't take it with girls trying out their traditionally male sport. i'm quite disgusted especailly when we should have gotten it. and these other sec sch and pri sch should have been the rightful winners instead of some other sch. urgh!.
i'm so irritated that we need to seek approval from others. that we need others to judge us and give us a rating. i don't get it. it's our sport/game/issue/matter/concern. why do we need someone else, unrelated or not, to pass their judgement and verify whether we deserved it or qualified for it. whether in NP for a promotion, in competition for a trophy, or other issues concerning authority.
enough about that. the blocks have started. again. i'm done with the 2 GP papers, and the math one. there's chem tomorrow. then bio's on monday. rather stressed out especially when i know i've studied chem since last week and it's not sitting properly in my brain. the concepts are pretty sound, but the chemical reagents and conditions are not. they keep jumbling up and freaking me over my inability to retain them.
i always thought it was my pure laziness that costs me my grades, but now i'm not so sure. maybe over the past year, i've lost my ability to study and acquire knowledge and i'm just undergoing brain degeneration.
i have a few more chapters to go. wish me luck and pray for me too.
