Saturday, February 05, 2005
i can't stand it. sometimes i feel really stupid. not in the embarrassed sense. i'm feeling this incapability. like mental retardation.
i don't care if i fail when i haven't studied. but if i have prepared then i expect to ace ti. and no one's gonna be able to talk me out of it otherwise.
i fared miserably for SATs. i guess i did better than the average Singaporean and i can still get into some pretty good US universities. but it's really eating me. why can't i f-ing be better?
i refuse to believe i'm any worse, but when it's all out in black and white, what can i say except that i'm academically, intellectually inferior?
she's a skinny lady
with a large shadow
but i'm always trailing behind
hidden in it
he's a massive presence
with high aspirations
i can't look over his shoulder
can't walk out of the shadow on the ground
Friday, February 04, 2005
gah. i'm quite disappointed with myself. can't help but feel that i was the one who screwed up the talentime auditions. i mean, i totally fumbled coz i was so friggin' nervy. i mean, i sorta picked myself up eventually, but i know i can do so much better. doesn't that totally irk you? when you know you can do it..and you just don't.
it's bad enough that i'm scared of a whole bunch of things ranging from lizards and creepy crawlies to really old and scary buildings like chinese high clock tower and horror films. oh forget that, i'm scared of thriller films and suspense movies like jumanji and jurassic park. now i totally clam with stage fright. someone please box me. we sang 'All the Love in the World' by the Corrs. i love the song. or should i say, loved. i mean, it's still nice. and i suppose, given some more time, i'll love it again. but after singing it like 10 times or more today, and even now, it is running throuhg my brain, perhaps it is time to play something else.
the taiwanese exchange students are leaving tomorrow. so yesterday we threw them a farewell lunch thing. quite fun. ate at billy bombers. their cookies and cream shake is really good. and sinful too. saw this really nice red dress at P.O.A. it has long sleeves with elastic cuffs, a square collar, a tapered waist and a kneelength skirt. it's in burgundy red. it's kinda long and even conservative i'd say. considering it covers everything. yet. i think it's totally sexy in it's own way. and since like nothing caught my eye except the red dress, maybe i'll head back and look at it again. there's really nothing which i bought for CNY and i really should get something.
the SATs results are supposed to be out today, US time i think. so i haven't been able to access them yet. but i will. as soon as possible. wanna get it over and done with.
with that, it brings the school week to a close. i'm having ld tomorrow morn. and maybe my sis and i will go out shopping for CNY clothes together. i'm looking forward to it. us sisters haven't had quality time alone since a long way back.
as for the week.. it's been okay. better than the past couple of weeks. let's just pray they stay that way.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
I cannot help it
I couldn't stop it
If I tried
The same old heartbeat
Fills the emptiness
I have inside
And I've heard
That you can't fight love
So I won't complain
'Cause why would
I stop the fire
That keeps me going on?
'Cause when there's you
I feel whole
And there's no better
Feeling in the world
But without you I'm alone
And I'd rather be
In love with you
-- michelle branch,
i'd rather be in love --
hmm.. i sprained my ankle on monday. it was quite funny. missed the last step and twisted my ankle. just on the way to pe. so i missed pe. and i was carrying this cake to celebrate classmates' birthdays since i'm the welfare rep. it's shocking coz..the cake landed upright and didn't sustain any damage!
today's tuesday. i'm really thankful that today isn't as bad as the previous 4 tuesdays since the year started. i think it has to do largely with my mental state. what sucked was the bio spa. really horrible. didn't manipulate my data at all. i'm so screwed for skill C. yay! i've been screwing up all my bio spas anyway.
