Wednesday, January 05, 2005
it's almost eleven. it's freaking late. i haven't bathed. i reek of pespiration. i've just been bombarded by math stuff from tuition. i haven't done my tutorials for tomorrow. but i'm not shoo-ing. i have stuff to say.
you know who you are. just hear me out. i know this is especially critical. been there, done that. and i'm going to correct it, just like last time. i'm sorry that you think that way. coz that means i failed again by making this same mistake. i'm sorry i wasn't understanding enough.
I’ve been the same self-assuming brat. Imposing, domineering.
I love you for being you. So quit thinking you’re dispensable/replaceable/forgettable. You’re not.
I’m trying to formulate my thoughts into sentences which make sense. And everything seems jumbled and dumb. And not to mention, insensitive and incorrect. Everything comes out wrong.
I’m just gonna say, what you feel is not unreasonable. I know where you’re coming from.
And I only hope that maybe this will make you feel better.
I care. And I’m not letting you go. What you are thinking is untrue. Perhaps I can get impatient, and may will you to move like I do. To keep looking forward. And to try to lose those reservations which we’ve gradually accumulated. I am selfish to think that you should keep on like me. and I’m going to try to set things right.
But while I slowly displace those ugly thoughts which are haunting you currently.. could you please put aside your fears for a while and let me bring you in.
It’s always 50-50. it’s true that chancing may prove wrong. But what if it made things better?
i must give myself these chances. You too.
But if you think I’m dragging you along. Tell me to stop. I’ll wait for you.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
today's only tuesday. and i feel as if i've died a few times.
school's been great. i'm not talking spendid fun great. just not bad great.
i've been awfully tied. and just sitting here feeling all the minutes tick away.. is quite freaky.
there's been this math test which i know i didn't fare well. but congratulate me. i'm learning to learn and study again. there are things to be done. and i must not let distractions affect me.
yesterday and today was a absolute whirlwind. it feels like days since school started. waking up has been especially hard. every morning, i feel like i'll never wake or something. i mean, hols i had like 10-12 hrs, how do i put up with 6 or 7?
we got our new time tables. geez, i have an average of 2 hours free per day. since dropping econs, now i've got loads of free periods.
we changed some teachers. and my new chem teacher's great. suddenly chemistry makes much more sense. and certainly i know why it's called chem. you need some intangible relationship to understand it. my gp tutor's changed too. i can't say i like his teaching style, but he does paint some points rather clearly. though i have trouble comprehending some stuff.
cheers!
Sunday, January 02, 2005
happy 05!
i've got a brand new canvas.
i'm armed with my water colours, my crayons and oil base.
every hue and shade.
it's time to start painting!
