Friday, December 10, 2004
click for
toufus outing pics
i find myself anticipating.
it's nice to get a happy bouncy feeling. even after you do work. coz work makes one deserving of fun! wasn't i deserving yesterday?
i met jas n val for lunch yesterday at some tung lok restaurant for dim sum. we talked a little and exchanged some stories on school. they've gone really far. pretty much mapped out their life which might have been otherwise if they stayed in singapore. i guess going overseas gives one confidence, aspiration and realisation. and certainly they're doing better there.
val's the same age as me. but coz it's legal to drive once your sixteen in aust. she's already taken her driving test! like freak! if they revise the crappy driving plan here, i mayn't drive for another 4 years. i may as well be 60.
so anyway i met toufu after lunch. but since it was pretty late notice i had 45 min to just walk the shops in wisma. nothing enticed me. nothing to-die-for. i'm pretty sick of my dressing style. it's so mundane and boring to wear jeans and skirts and tops. it's the same combi in different shades. and i'm not even one who buys t-shirts. i just want to wear loose cotton spags with lace n beads or some extravagant classy thing.
ooh. i bought hairwax! i can finally tame my unruly hair.
met my dear toufu. we thought of catching a movie. but this x'mas season has one of the worst movie showcases. so we ended up at kbox for 3 over hours. singing all sorts of songs. but those on friends spoke out the loudest. we got reflective. toufus forever. i guess 'mo qi' by evelyn tan summarises it best. it doesn't need words. it's intangible.
tooks neos at cine. ah! i love them.
walked to nydc at wheelock for dinner! got a sore throat from my pasta. it was like nine plus and i had to get back. passed by borders and saw this strawberry shortcake calendar for 2005 which i simply had to get for my sister. she loves it! hee!
so i spent 60 bucks. pretty good.
my mom's revising my allowance system. no-no. not increase. more like increase in budgeting responsibility. she think i'm spending too much so she's gonna deal out a fixed sum per month for shopping expenses, transport, stationery n other side expenses. means, no more claiming for subsidies.
and today i'm going for cip!. excited to catch up with yihan n char. and cip should be fun.
but the best part about yesterday was that i was happy making others happy. my sis was pleasantly surprised this morn coz strawberry's her childhood softie. and mich rox! toufus always n forever..
Thursday, December 09, 2004
"To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive
Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breath?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
I'd rahter be anything but ordinary please."
-avril lavigne,
anything but ordinary-
this song's old. i remember the first time i heard it. jy recommended it to me. i liked it a lot. and i sang it so many times i got sick of it. then i moved on to liking other avril songs.
just yesterday, when i was sitting at my desk, facing the death-deserving equilibria homework. i played avril's debut album on the cd player.
i love a lot of her songs. they're the slow ones and the faster ones. with such catchy tunes that you end up screaming the lyrics without truly processing them. but every now and then, when you sit back and slowly let them pour into you, you figure that all of them, make so much sense. and you recall, that certainly at some point of time, you did once feel the same way too.
i'm so ordinary. i feel so ordinary. i never wanted to be such. i'm a clutz. i'm so opinionated and self-righteous. for everything that i am, i can't ever be content with being neutral. it's as if, all these bland emotions are insufficient to explain correctly what i'm feeling. even if it's nothingness, there's always something more.
i'm not saying this to belittle anyone. i'm awfully sure that everyone intends to be different in some special way. and if what i'm saying now, should pull me even further from people near me and afar..then i have to first clarify..there's just so many sides. maybe even facades.
i don't understand why then. if i desire to be so different..then why have i gone on and let myself conform to some standard shape. last year i was still deliberating where to go. josef said that if i went on to JC he'll be quite sad coz i would become like all the cows grazing in the field. no offence to so many of us. maybe he was joking when he said it. but we spoke on the subject for a really long time. and my conclusion was to go to VJ to pursue theatre studies. since then, it's been forever and nothing at the same time.
seems like i've been pondering so many things this year. but each time, only after something has been decided on. and it was time to face the consequences. maybe now, in the spirit of being wistful, or simply because now's the time at the end of the year when i think back on what happened and try to figure out for myself why some things happened and hopefully, in retrospect, try to learn a lesson from it.
i believe i've held the major issue in my hand. many times this year, being 16 and 17. and surprisingly, i've gained new insights each time i looked back. perhaps in looking back, i'm stalling my process of moving forward. one hardly knows.
yesterday and today, i wonder why i was content with being mild and quiet for the 3 later terms of the year. perhaps, mild in my case, may be high-strung and whatever for others. it's just that, i had numerous small aspirations which i vowed to realise this year. with a change of environment. and i almost did. with certain people who have played pivotal/catalytic roles. then i closed up and buried every shred of unfinished business in the closet, confining them to a past, away but unforgotten.
perhaps it is dramatic to say such. but i'm feeling fresh again. maybe a little rustier than last year. slower and measured. maybe even hesitant. but i don't intend to lose again what i've already lost before.
and bit by bit. i'm going to work back. terence in his spirit of evangelising, spoke to me about X-29 yesterday. it looks like they will be able to answer many of my questions. and reel me in again. me, being stupid enough to think that i could stand on my own. but the dilemma of joining a youth group...
i don't even know what's spurring me to think this way. what hope have i? or the belief to think that next year may be better than this?
i simply do.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
yeps you can link me. i'm most honoured.
i dunno what's up. something screwed up my links. first the images won't appear that the quiz can't link. and the twits were all fine at first. i can't be bothered to change the stuff and make it work.
lemme fill you in on my very boring existence. honestly., all i've been doing is waking up at 9 plus, having my breakfast, reading the Life! section of the paper and spending the couple of hours before and after lunch doing chemistry homework. and of course, reading and watching tv at night.
one seriously wonders what the hell i've been doing with my chem. obviously i wasn't ever a chem genius. but i do take pride in being pretty powderful in my chem before. and now i must have gone and laid eggs on them. coz obviously the fruits of my effort ain't hatching anytime soon. dammit! i've been on the stack of chem hols homework since before going to shanghai. assuming i didn't touch any work in shanghai, which i didn't, i mus have spent maybe 15-16 hours on it. and freak! i still have all the thermal stuff to do!. i should just faint and die.
my dad went back to shanghai today. he started this incentive cash reward system for my A levels. pretty similar to O's except the reward increased. am i motivated to study? certainly not for the money i'd say. but all the same, either the only thing i remember from conversations with my parents is that i ought to pay more attention to my studies, or the conversations are only about studies. can't fathom which.
pretty please, it not as if i've been whiling a way my time prancing in the garden..though i think my mom would rather me prance in the garden than watch tv. if you only knew how much i didn't touch any work this year. true, i haven't started studying. neither have i touched the tutorials from the later chapters which will be discussed when school reopens. but i'm doing something. i'm so hopelessly rusty but i'm actually sitting down and doing work. God knows, it must have been a year since i last did that.
on the up side.. i did head out to supercuts at far east plaza for a haircut. i got rid of my jap fringe. though i'll never regret cutting straight bangs. i went and did what many people wouldn't dare think of. so there. but thsi time, i got jaggered bangs. and my hair's a little screwed when it's untamed. thankfully i've stopped looking like some inflatable prickly ball. and i got highlights! ha ha ha! colour stated is golden sands. it's brownish and i love it. though i only wish it was more obvious. but then i freak out and think what will happen if i get caught and have to dye it all away. one great sorrow. but i don't freaking care. rules are meant to be broken. any takers?
so anyway. just that day i was making a x'mas list. and everytime i make one, nothing on the list gets crossed out. simply coz some stuff can't be bought. intangibles..and of course, who can afford to buy me a queen-sized bed except the very people who think a queen-sized bed is unnecessary? but this time round, i put highlights on the list and poof! i got it! all in time for x'mas.
and my mom and i were talking in the car today coming back from the airport. my mom's planning on making another trip up to shanghai with my sis n james. thing is, she can't deny that me going up is very convenient. like i can wash dishes and i can get stuff cheap. i mean, prices were meant to be slashed to 30% right? she did mention that maybe if i could get my work in order, i can make a trip up to shanghai before x'mas. that's almost madness. i didn't add on though. i'm not even sure myself. i'd love a getaway by the beach. but i can't balance another trip with outings which i intend to and will have with friends and peeps. and then of course, my house is undergoing renovation to rip out the stupid beading i was so against on installing 5 years ago. the place is gonna get a paint job and some rooms including mine will be redone. though mine will be later. frankly the interior designer we engaged back then was crappy. though being 12, i didn't know. i mean who constructs study tables with your back to the light?
i should stop whining. i do that loads at ld. simply coz..well i don't know. there are times when i'll give my all and pull the cart if there were no horse. and times when.. what can i say? we can't explain half of the things we choose to do..
i've had a few dreams of late. and i rarely dream. some were dreamt in shanghai. and let's not even touch on all those daydreaming your truly is so fond of.
why do we even dream? to fill up the gaping holes in our lives? the missing spaces which emphasize its bareness and spartan-ness. if we didn't dream, would we be happier and more content with what we have? or will we be sadder to know how plain and simple life is without its numerous distractions.
or..if we didn't dream..would they all come true?
Sunday, December 05, 2004
my baby cousin! he's is so darn cute!. i just love him to bits.
see!
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid149/pf051c4ba7173b866f6d68afcdcde777d/f603823b.jpg
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid149/p04ddafc57f15d17bbf3e74b835f76b90/f603a8c6.jpg
click for
shanghai pictures
click to
take quiz on me
