Saturday, October 16, 2004
i've had a generally unproductive saturday. i'm thankful for no LD but then...
i didn't get my haircut. sob. gonna cut tomorrow before the pw meeting at my place.
which brings me to my next problem. i haven't started on my OP. so dead. and we're supposed to compile everything tomorrow.
i cleared my toilet. threw out all those dumb bottles which have been stacking. so my toilet's free of all those shampoo junk.
dr fung replied to the hospital volunteering thing. yippee! i can finally do something constructive with my life.
oh. i failed math. i'm so dead. i passed, but coz i screwed up so badly this year, i failed overall with an O. the chem and econs results will be out on mon, and this really is bad. if i don't pass econs, it's byebye 04s71, hello j12005. and what hope have i to count on to pass?
this really is a bad omen. not that i'm trying to be superstitious. but the cactus i got for my confirmation is dying. the FP coordinators had wished me well when they said that my faith will be ever strong like the cactus. and now the cactus is eaten up from the insides, all squishy. does that mean, i'm gonna fail or something?
my mom said she'll support me to appeal. if i don't make it.
what's up with me? i take so darn long to move on from what i lose. so long to recover. so long to begin to appreciate new gifts given to me. so long to learn lessons about this lost/gone/taken for granted. i'm always so many steps behind.
don't tell me it's only human.
i doubt i even qualify as one.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
photo links on 3rd entry below.
Lord, a last plea.
truly, i don't deserve to receive. coz everytime before a major exam, i send out the same cry for help and pray that you'll take me through.
each time, i fervently promise to try harder the next time round and depend on myself.
and each time, they evolve into empty promises.
i pray i continue taking bio, chem and math.
i pray i stay in this class i've grown to like. with my close bunch of friends and all the other people who matter.
just today.
played volley, b-ball and tried to learn some rhythmic gym from gilyn. then a bunch of us sat down and waited while the guys played volley. we started debtaing over what will become of our class in the future, who will get married and what we'll do for jobs.
i realised that no matter how much i've been on the outside looking in, or only occasionally joining in, i've learnt enough about my class through observing. long enough to figure vaguely and pass a verdict. can and still say then, that i wasn't caring all this while?
i don't want to leave. hell was prolly created so we'd know the beauty of heaven.
i was given another trial this year coz God knew i'd pull through.
i watched vanity fair with debs today. it's made me want to read the book. then we sat down and ate and chatted a little. i need to save money. badly. i keep blowing my allowance. and i haven't done real shopping!
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
links to pictures are on the next entry.
the best parts of today fall into good balance.
dr daniel fung came to HC to give a talk. on psychiatry. it's been sitting at the back of my brain for a while. but in all the hustle and bustle, i seem to forget it pretty easily. too easily. there are 2 medical professions i think of pursuing. psychiatry and gynaecology. simply coz, i like it.
sure, by and far, it's a long shot. all the selection tests and screening, i stand a slim chance. it's 14-15 years of study if i wanna graduate a specialist in a discipline. and it's costly to study medicine overseas and yet, i mayn't make it here.
but before i go and shoot myself down again.
if i don't think i'm heading to hollywood, then i'm not shutting another door in my face.
play a little volley today. that's the second nice part of today. i like volley. and now, we have such long long breaks. today there was like 3hr 20min of free periods. i hope i get to play again tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
the pictures are truly up.
for MAF, chalet and monday missing FOS.
browse peeps.
MAF
04s71 chalet
FOS monday
previously unaccessible sei outing
i'm done. man it took long. go look!
Fruit/vegetables: either or both.
Black/white: black.
Lights on/lights off: the dark's nice when you've got friends.
TV/movie: both. this is dumb. i can't decide like on anything.
Car/truck: Car.
Body spray/lotion: Body spray.
Cash/check: Cash.
Pillows/blankets: both. and can i add my bolster?
Headache/stomach ache: Headache.
Paint/charcoal: Paint. charcoal. both.
Chinese food/mexican food: chinese. i'm no bean.
Summer/winter: winter. with snow.
Snow/rain: aforesaid snow.
Fog/misty: mist. fog's like dusty right?
Rock/rap: Rock.
Meat/vegetarian: meat. i'm largely carnivorous.
Chocolate/vanilla: Chocolate!
Sprinkles/icing: Sprinkles.
Cake/pie: either or. both.
French toast/french fries: depends.
Strawberries/blueberries: they're all fine. except gooseberries.
Ocean/swimming pool: Ocean if it's clean. otherwise pool's just fine.
Cookies/muffins: cookies.
Wallet/pocket: wallet. purse, whatever.
Window/door: windows. plural.
Pink/purple: both. i like 'em both. purple's so rich and unique. and pink's so light and innocent.
Cat/dog: dog duh.i'd be doing baby injustice if i said cat.
Long sleeve/short sleeve: can i say no sleeves?
Pants/shorts/skirts: shorts. or skirts.
Winter break/spring break: Uh, any kind of holiday is fine with me.
Spring/autumn: duh fall.
Clouds/clear sky: clouds. coz that means less sun.
Moon/mars: moon. just coz.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
i'm such a sucker for sad movies.
just watched my Pearl Harbor dvd. i love pearl harbor! it rocks. 3 years on, it's still my favourite movie. and josh hartnett's still my kind of guy. cried like a baby. it's a wonder how i can still cry after watching it so many times. and i'm even beginning to cry at really weird scenes. like the determination on their faces during the war is so darned touching.
the chalet was on friday. i went shopping with yihan in the morning. bought a pair of pink flip-flops and a pair of pink shorts for the chalet. they're pretty and i'm going pink!. red's still my colour though.
caught another movie. Les Choristes. it's really good. seldom you can find a movie which touches on such innocent and childish sentiments, which contains zero sex and still be so touching to pull at your heart strings. i'm gonna get the vcd and soundtrack. the songs are really meaningful so i'm hoping they have the translation for it. you kinda figure when niche films are shown in singapore, they definitely are of some considerable quality.
the chalet was different. very so from the one i went for in august. 6 guys and 6 girls went night biking on fri night so the rest of us sat around and whiled away the time and slept. we had a barbeque and i barely ate anything. partly coz we went up and sat around. day 2 was better. though seriously, i didn't do much. went to wild wild wet. that place really isn't worth it. though seriously if you're gonna consider swimming in the wave pool with no float, you can just drown. i drank a lot of pool water which didn't really taste good. what i did take home was how to play mahjong. these NY girls and CHS guys really play lots of it. and cards too.
it wasn't smashing fun or anything. and i kinda anticipated that i wouldn't have that much fun. surprisingly though, i enjoyed myself more than i expected. i didn't lose myself and forget everything. i guess i was too connected to sanity. but i guess it's certain little things which really matter. they're so small, you'd prolly overlook them. like gladys and suan cleaning up after us and cooking maggi. damian making milo and teaching mahjong. i can't really name everything spot on. just to say, some things, you don't see, you just feel. and reliability was one of them.
came home. ate apple strudel! my momma was so nice. she waited for me to come home and have tea coz i said i'll be back after lunch and in the end i was back just before dinner and was gonna watch tv and she was going out. strudel was yummy. slept really early at nine plus. slept almost 12 hours. gonna head back and nap.
it's been a quiet day. but quiet days are nice. just lying around and sleeping in. and feeling yourself recharge again.
