man. i can't pull late nights. not unless i'm hit with insomnia. sleeping at 1 am last night was a majorly bad idea. ended up waking up at 1 pm this afternoon. it's interesting to note that i've only been awake for 3 plus hours and already the day's passing. today's the last weekday of the hols.

be resolute kid. i will study my electrochemical cells like now. and finish it so i'll only need to get electrolysis and chem spa done before the 2 chem assessments next week.
then i'll troop to the room upstairs and dig out the large holiday photo album.
ooh. and i'll watch tv tonight.

sad. would so like to go to te book fair with cher. but i must deprive myself right? at least, if i'm not studying, i must deprive myself of blatant fun.

oh, moan our sad lives.

this friggin' thing won't publish! it's not churning out my previous entry about the very spectacular day. argh!

(29-34 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You
are the best friend that anyone could ever have and
never want to loose. You make everyone laugh. You
never cause harm to anyone and they would never not
understand your feelings.
Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the mostpart.
Stay away from traitors and jealous people, then
you will be stress free.

it's interesting how some quizzes say just the right thing about you. of coirse, this is only partially correct.

went over to my sis's boyfriend's place to get work done and hopefully be more motivated to study. in a way yeah, i finished the structured questions of my bio tutorial and poof! that's it.

oh gawd. leandra rocks. totally. i wonder if jana knows that her primary school classmate is now on Idol. and she sings so well. and the guts to go up there and all. if things change by the end of this year, and maybe i'll be given a chance to fix stuff. i will. whether i promote or not, it's a chance. to start over or to continue. either way, hopefully, i'll be more decisive and do things of my own choosing.

i don't know what to think. what to say. i've been feeling rather wistful of late. all weirded out. one moment i want to rewatch Titanic, the next, i feel like flipping through 5-year-old albums, and the next i want to meet people from ages ago.
i think i've finally awakened. from a long long sleep. a long long dream. i wouldn't go so far to call it a nightmare. but it's so unreal.
and oddly, i feel a sense of loss. a loss of oblivion, a loss of virtual senses. what am i even saying?

lastly, don't question me. perhaps i may have slipped from where i once was. perhaps i'm sitting on uncertainty and insecurity. perhaps, i'm less confident of what i am and what's to become of me. but don't you dare judge. you haven't taken a step in my shoes. go wear mine. and walk the same long distance in them. only then can you pass your judgement. and even so, you can never feel the same paranoia and experience every acute sensation which i have. maybe, in your case, you would have survive ever so much more better than me. or maybe fared all the worse.
i've taken a step into the unknown. and a step ever so much to tempt and tantalise, as to shock and stun. yet, i just want to walk further. perhaps i've been sidetracked, derailed even. so don't try thinking that i'm a lowlife, coz you can't plan to derail or f*** up your life. i've slid so much from before. it's hard to even imagine what i was, hard to believe. and i've paid dearly for it, and may pay more dearly so.
don't try to hide it. i can see every poorly-disguised emotion. maybe you mean well, but for all that i may be indifferent, i do feel like every normal being.

"I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
It's not easy to be me."

mich: hey gal. i can't sign your gbook. the song speaks volumes. if it's even a song. and i've got an ear and a shoulder here if you need it.

silence. it's in the silence. do you hear?
it's almost tragic to even begin speaking over what took place today and yesterday. tragic in so many ways of the word. tragic to even begin to describe, for fear of spoiling the perfection and symmetry of exhilaration. tragic, to even compare and contrast yesterday and today. tragic, to not be able to paint a picture as vivid as what took place. tragic, for today was royally disgusting. right. now slap me. coz i'm gonna attempt at bringing across all of it.

yesterday. was bought at a huge price. i'm convinced to think that i crawl through long spells of bad days, like 50 days at a shot, to have succulent and juicy nibble of tantalising good time to compensate. yet, however small, it's worth it. every puny nibble. it makes you cherish every moment in its pure unadulterated form. and yesterday, was another one of those juicy nibbles. my last nibble was the chalet i think.
started out real early. met sei(that's the new name for the 6 of us). i guess i was worried over whether we'd enjoy ourselves, so it wasn't getting off quite so good. i wanted it so much to be perfect. something which will spur us on for the next long stretch before us.
we had brunch in macs. and walked around, exploring the shops. we got our friendship rings! we've been talking about it forever and it's great to finally have it. i bought a new top! black nail polish and this shoulder duster. it's really cool, dangles from your ear on only one side and sweeps your shoulder. really cutting edge and all. took neo print. and it turned out really well!
then shar and miki had to leave first. so yihan, debs, char and i headed to kbox for our singing marathon. that's when the real fun started. we sang and sang. and blasted the music to the max in the small, soundproof room. understand that soundproof doesn't just mean that the people outside can't hear us, it also means, the music reverberates in the room at eardrum-splitting level. we sang all the noisy stuff, like dance songs and power songs. and they complimented me on my singing. i mean, i think i sing okay, my sis is the good one. but apparently, they think i'm good. Idol 2, here i come. i do fit the superstar image i wanted for the class tee ya know. then we danced and jumped around on the vinyl seats, turned the lights way down low and pranced around. yihan fiddled with her digicam so we got lots of really sexy shots taken and whol videos of us shaking and strutting our stuff. looking back it's really unbelievable. and singing Fly Away by F.I.R was exhilarating! gonna get the digicam pics and videos from yihan and upload them somewhere.
5 hours later, headed for dinner all contented and broke but really satisfied. chatted and talked. then grabbed some famous amos cookies. 2 hours, and yihan had to go. i'm so darned glad that she had a great time. and we all did. one of the best days this year! and her mom insisted on paying us for everything since it was to celebrate her birthday, but at the same time, all the sept birthdays. char, debs and i walked around feeling like a million bucks coz we were so broke at first. bought the F.I.R cd! then came home at 10.30pm

sadly, to contrast today. i got up really tired from yesterday, only to drag myself to school for chem tutorial. tried to catch a nap before that, but ended up stoning and chatting. chem tut was a drag. finally got myself through it only to get through another 5 hours of MAF rehearsal. got all sweaty and disgusting. and coupled with my bad mood from a loss of the clear blue sky of yesterday, i was totally PMS-ing. huilin was really nice and pearl too. gave me a break and let me shut my eyes for 20 minutes. got home and read LIME, then stoned. sheryl came over to borrow some notes, i watch tv. watched Charmed after so long. it's a wonder, how the plots have totally been degraded to such cheap stuff. it used to give you thrills and chills when you watched it coz ti had soem scary elements in it. i mena, sure, maybe the change in time-slot had to do with losing it's scary appeal. and maybe if it's later, i'll still be freaked. but i'm such a chicken so it doesn't apply. there were these dumb blondes for the plot. *sigh* i shall stick to OC, Friends and Gilmore. oh, and my tutor forgot tuition, so it's tomorrow.

so it's a tragedy right? "....yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away....now i guess they're here to stay..yesterday" but like better love lost than never right? so i'm still ever so grateful and thankful for yesterday.

enough documenting what happened. i'm going to speak of reflections dervied from these events. just soemtimes, some things dawn on you. a year ago, if you told me i'll jump on the seats, i'd seriously ask you to head to the hospital for a checkup. so i guess, i have changed. yea fine. we all do right? but i'm seeing almost a metamorphosis. maybe i'm flighty now, or frivolous, or maybe i care for things beyond what was placed before me. maybe because i don't want to lose anymore, so i'm holding on so hard. either way, it's more than a image which has changed thus far, it's a personality. my dress sense, my preferences, my lifestyle. especially my lifestyle, or no-lifestyle. i'm loud. but i swallowed it for some years, and now, i'm rediscovering myself. i may have lost my confidence in the academic sector, so maybe i'm feeling ever so unaccomplished. but i'm gaining in so many areas. i dare to. that's the difference. and suddenly, owing to my indifference, daring to, or maybe plain 'it don't-scare-me-no-more', i'm less bothered. or am i? i'm still getting to know myself, but i'm gonna wake up to a new me.

another thing to note. i'm going back to reading horoscopes. this scares me. does this mean, that i'm drifting away from religion? i've been abstaining from it owing to the fact that it is linked with satanism and occult. but of late, i've been trying to draw parallels and find similarities between the fortune and what really happened. coz in a way, they can prepare you for what's to come. it gives assurance, or delusion, whichever you believe. and yet, in some ways i've been paying closer attention to mass and related stuff. just the past 2 weeks maybe. like refering more to the daily verses book to look for direction. that i may find strength, purpose and resolve.

because there's so much life is filled with, or without. and i'm gonna have to sieve my way through it all. what i want, what i need, what will take me through. and maybe when it boils down to a time when i may have to rethink my future course of action proceeding from now, that i may make wise and calculated decisions and choose carefully what i really want. God knows how many times i've botched things up.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference."
for now. that's everything i need.

Nicole Nordeman, every season

every evening sky an invitation
to trace the patterned stars
and early in july a celebration
for freedom that is ours
and i notice you
in children's gaze
in those who watch them
from the shade
every drop of sun
is full of fun and wonder
you are summer

and even when the trees
have just surrendered
to the harvest time
forfeiting their leaves in mid-september
and sending us inside
still i notice you
when change begins
and i embraced for cooler winds
i will offer thanks for
what has been
and what's to come
you are autumn

and everything in time
and under heaven
finally falls asleep
wrapped in blankets white
all creation shivers underneath
and still i notice you
when branches crack
and in my breath
on frosted prayers
even now in death
you open doors for life to enter
you are winter

and everything that's new
has bravely surfaced
teaching us to breathe
the word was frozen through its newly purpose
turning all things green
and so it is with you
and how you make me move
with every season's change
and so it will be
as you are recreating me
summer, autumn, winter, spring


that i may be spring too. in all its wholesome freshness, dirty brown and green. but ever so much warmer than winter.

today was an absolute waste. i slept. and watched tv. and did nothing.

here to update. i can go for serious shopping. yeah sure. when i have the time and all. but the thing is, i packed my wardrobe yesterday. threw out a lot of stuff.
1) stuff i won't ever wear again. like cartoon shirts and kiddy stuff. which have been rotting in there for ages.
2) stuff that i would still wear but have since bcome too small for me, though my stupid thinking thought that i'll be able to fit them if i lost weight.
3) stuff that are worn out.

oh well. if the old doesn't go, the new will never come in right? so out went 42 tops, 7 pants and 2 skirts. and i'll bet there'll be a little more coming.
just as well. it's time to shop again.

Xiaoyan
20
business
U of M-Ann Arbor


SPRING break!!
fishball noodle soup
yellow gold heart locket
3.7 GPA
DSLR
cashmere winter coat


cher clara chuan debs terence prong san xuewei toufu 04s71 damian yisheng