Saturday, April 24, 2004
this is the earliest ever i'm home on saturdays since the term began. always zooming off somewhere. meeting NJ people. oddly, now then we're actually starting to do work(i'm an exception) we aren't meeting much anymore. it's just me wandering around.
i don't want to do anything. i have this major test to study for but i don't wanna touch it. i just want to go out and shop and eat and spend money. this is horrid thinking. coz the main point is, i just want to have fun and spend money. and i'm way overbudget. overallowance. overspending. month's end is coming and i have like peanuts to get by.
there's this bbq later for CC4 which i'm attending. i'm hoping loads of my class people will be there, else i'll just stone. i even wonder how the conversation will be. we haven't spoken in aeons. and of course, i'm not walking in at 7pm on the dot. better fashionably late than painfully early.
oh and another thing. i notice everyone's chilling with their CCA-mates. that's a big problem. cher with dance people and daph and cheryl with tennis people. i should go chill with lion dance too right? but i don't even need to come to lion dance. by the time i'm done with makeups, it's over.
i must be resolute. i will lose some pounds. and i must stop biting my nails. tv? incurable. back to gilmore now.
Friday, April 23, 2004
whee! gilmore time.
out you damned spot! away with you study ghoul!
anyway, was digging around in the library yesterday and found this quote. it sounds lovely. and it's like evergreen.
"if music be the food for love, play on."
-william shakespeare-
Thursday, April 22, 2004
argh!!! *envisions self tearing up PW manual*
i loathe that thing. and the horrid topics. dry and boring. and dry and boring. waited to go to the library with cher but ended up cabbing there alone. library was oh-so helpful.
i desperately need info for the topic. everyone else in my group is pro-spa/yoga. and i'm the only one who is seriously fighting to do music. i mean, if we're gonna kill ourselves and waste 6 months of our existence doing soem crap work, it had better be interesting enough right?
and there's the library providing me stuff like music encyclopaedia, like some dictionary of music-related terms. and i'm supposed to know what that is? either that or some biographies or posh spice or beatles or something or other.
what was i expecting? The Complete Guide to Aceing your Project Work: The Evolution of Music. so i basically borrowed two books. one on The Beatles and another on The Corrs. like it's gonna help. and the net ain't working either. and we're going to decide on the topic tomorrow. that means, it's goodbye music. hi mind relaxation.
and of course, thursdays are loathe-worthy days. they have such sourfaced looks that make you hate them. thought i'd never get through the chem tutorial. it was buffer week again so we didn't have practical but had some 2hr-long tutorial. oh gawd. after 1hr, i was ready to scream. even towards the end, the teacher actually said,"water has a high boiling point due to water". this is taxing.
but God was kind today and let it rain. so we had this torrential downpour for some hour or so. when did it last rain? 7days ago? more?
and then, i have a problem. my mom is suddenly anti-choir. like a bunch of people in choir already know i'm joining coz i told terence and he told some others. but the problem is, my mom won't let me. she can't understand why i'm giving time to church commitments when i'm saying that i don't have time for cca. so i say that i have an empty non-existent spiritual life and she thinks i should go for bible class. this is not goona work out. we compromised and decided to put it on hold for a while and now i have to find a way to let terence know.
the interesting part is my mom doesn't mind me playign tennis with him coz she thinks it's good exercise.
and i signed up for the taiwan immersion programme. i wasn't too on about it at first, but the more i think about it, the more i want to go. hey! it has 7-8 days of touring taiwan in it. what more could i ask for? the land of meteor garden and F4. not that i care, but one of the places on her highness' travel list. and i'll get to meet so much more people. of course, i have more immediate problems.
like the econs test looming up in the dstance. it's on monday and i have a problem. again. i have just about 4 solid chapters of stuff i've never learned before to catch up on and prepare the questions before i just die. elasticities of supply/demand, incidence of tax, subsidies, production and costs and the absolute dread. applications of demand and supply. and i'm supposed to revise everything else. so basically it's everything. *groan*
i got back my chemical bonding test. i'm quite happy with my results. i got 10.5/25. that's a fail. but i was like, "oh gosh, i'm so happy!" and everyone thought i did remarkably well. i know when i announced my results, some had blank looks like what's there to be happy about. but i expected 5/25, so i'm happy. to make things better. mr ng said that it was a difficult paper so if you get 8 and above, it's considered a pass. yippee again! so i passed technically. and i didn't even understand the chapter. life ain't so bad after all.
on a brighter note.. tomorrow's friday! yippee! love fridays. may head out with Nj people? but i must definitely be home early. pathetic me needs to get started somewhere.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
i cannot believe i'm going to say this.
i think math is my current favourite and best subject. just ended math tuition and am feeling extremely brain-drained.
to think that i scored 5/25 for math, F9-ed A maths throughout the sec 4 year, scraped a meagre pass for prelims. and have been loathing it since like the beginning of the universe. but i'm actually saying this.
what does this show? i'm screwing up everything else. i've gone from a self-confessed bio and chem genius(that was in sec sch. obviously things are different now) to some absolute nutcase idiot. isn't that comforting.
today just felt bad. i swear the bio tutor is out to pick on me or something. for some weird reason, she can't ever seem to hear what i say. and only me. it's not that i speak really softly or something. she just can't hear me. so yeah. maybe since i came over i speak up less. not my fault there coz people don't just speak coz they want to. they have like substantial stuff and facts and content and everything. just makes me feel so small that i could melt into the cracks in the ground.
i didn't go for H&F. was supposed to. even called to check the time. but somehow i just didn't. though i did manage to waste a lot of time in school. watched the sports day heats with junjia and cheryl(that's a different cheryl there). i know 6 cheryls. 3 spelt with C and 2 with S.
and somehow. i was having Nj withdrawal syndrome again. i've stopped having it majorly for a while. but today was off. it's the 20th of april. exactly one month on from the day the posting results came out. just felt all the weird vibes again. the sad thing is, i'm now a lot less sure that my old class will keep together. and it's been just 4 pathetic weeks. how are we to last to june even?
i'm also a lot less sure that i'll pass my promos. the probability of failing is like 99%. everything's moving too fast for me. prolly coz i'm crawling when everyone's running. i'm crawling. i seriously am. and then i take naps after crawling. what am i trying to do? wreck my life?
val blogged that she felt out of it when mei and i talked about our lives.
honestly. you won't give anything for what i'm having now. i mean it. you have to exchange fair and square for everything. and you don't want this gross shoes i'm walking in. it's nothing to be proud of and it's sincerely not worth it.
Monday, April 19, 2004
sec3s: jia you! all the best for class shoot. don't fail yeah? it's the only test that cannot be retaken after you fail. eileen and i both failed. heehee. was too nervous in my case.
her highness is extremely proud of herself today. her highness ran during PE. something liek less than 3km.
chinese high is so big. i cursed and sweared so many times during the run. and the wealthy shcool has this grand entrance slope thing which is so friggin' steep and long. and running up it is no easy feat. we ran teh crazy round from HC to chinese high to outside the school along the main road and back in and repeated it. so i walked about a third. but i'm immensely proud that i ran one whole round without stopping! long live her highness!
i have decided that mathematical induction is just out to go against me. it is an exasperating ridiculous and nonsensical method. it's about proving. and obviously since it exists to prove so the dumb equation is obviously corerct so why the need to prove. i'll loathe it a lot less if i could actually do it.
jy and i will join a cca together. something. hopefully soon then i can decide whether i still want lion dance.
and i need to lose weight. i daren't check but i get this feeling that i've hit an all time high. i mean, consuming 3 packets of that super greasy indian yellow crackers called popadam in a day is not exactly healthy. no more popadam for the next few weeks. only fruit and a main course. i must curb my eating tendencies.
for the bored soul of me.
10 IMPORTANT THINGS INSIDE YOUR bag:
1| wallet
2| cell phone
3| specs cloth
4| p**
5| tissue(occasionally)
6| novel(less of it now)
7| Newsweek
8|
9|
10|
9 THINGS THAT U REALLY WANT RIGHT NOW:
1| grow to 170(don't realy mind so much now though)
2| lose 4kg
3| never lose touch with NJ friends
4| to love
5| and be loved
6| happy family always
7| catch up on CCA and schoolwork
8| unlimited shopping
9| no more stomachaches of any sort
8 OF YOUR FAVORITE FOOD:
1| beef noodles
2| sashimi
3| udon
4| NJ's muslim food
5| haagen daaz coffee ice cream
6| beard papa's cream puffs
7| takopachi
8| peach tea
7 OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS:
no order of merit
1| cher
2| lili
3| mich
4| jy
5| val
6| min
7| alina
6 OF YOUR FAVE MOVIES:
1| Pearl Harbor
2| LOTR: Two Towers
3| Love Actually
4| Cold Mountain
5| Little Women
6| The Truth about Sam and Jane
5 THINGS IN YOUR ROOM
1| books//paper, lots of paper
2| clothes
3| bedstuff
4| softtoys
5| stereo/tv
4 THINGS YOU ATE/DRINK TODAY
1| prawn mee
2| peanut butter sandwich
3| beef teridon/sushi
4| popadam
understand why i need a diet now? i haven't had my dinner yet
3 THINGS YOU COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT
1| family/friends(too many, ain't enough space)
2| money(i could buy everything else that could be bought)
3| music
2 THINGS YOU USUALLY READ
1| books(the nice ones for leisure)
2| song lyrics
1 PERSON YOU CAN'T FORGET
1| there's more than one. so i shall write none. the footprints in the heart are eternal..
Sunday, April 18, 2004
i'm online again. well, i did finish reading Newsweek. but i can't face mathematical induction. i got through a few sums. but it's undefeatable. so here i am again.
1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says.
messenger of God; kind or innocent person. (that's a dictionary there)
2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:
a massive organiser.(i'm in the study room)
3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
American Idol 3.
4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:
1830hrs.
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:
1837hrs.
6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
the noisy aircon.
7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:
This morning, to go to church.
8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?:
cher's blog.
9: What are you wearing?:
shorts and tee.
10: Did you dream last night?:
nah. too sleepy.
11: When did you last laugh?
dunno. with my sis earlier i think.
12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
wallpaper. and my dad in some picture at some ecochallenge.
13: Seen anything weird lately?:
how about the fact that you can't get a cab outside orchard?
14: What do you think of this quiz?:
it's different.
15: What is the last film you saw?:
it's so long ago i can't remember. cold mountain i think.
16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
land. lots of it. so much so i can't see what's beyond my land. and then build a fascinating home.
17: Tell me something about you that I don’t know:
you don't know a thing. i'm prolly older than you, the survey?
18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:
i would remove project work in JCs. and mathematics. and biology. and the need to tuck in shirts. must it only be one thing?
19: Do you like to dance?:
yep. but not in public.
20: George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or some one who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?:
not a power-crazy nutcase and not really doing anything. Newsweek has helped.
21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
Angel.
21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
James Ashley.
22: Would you ever consider living abroad?:
yes. but i'm beginning to realise i can't do without the people here. so maybe, if i could pack up everyone in the suitcase and go. it'll be great.
23: Will you pass on this survey?:
you can do it if you want..
boring boring boring. life is a stagnant pool of dung. it befuddles me how i managed to survive so long.
i'm in a dilemma over whether i should work hard. just look, the owner of 77th street was a delinquent before and she's friggin' successful now. of course, those are rare success stories.
or maybe i should just take the conventional route and study hard, get a degree and a good-pay job. and be another of those mass-produced items from some heavy-duty factory.
i'm beginning to doubt whether i even chose the right subjects. this is getting disgusting.
and project work is blah. i hope we do a nice topic. from the looks of it, we may actually do something which doesn't have to do with educational reforms or the rise of china. everything's so realistic. it's killing the imaginative alleles.
