Friday, October 03, 2003
mich: can't sign your blog. go where you want to. don't regret, don't look back.
peirong: i guess me blogging today is probably too late to give any advice. if i'm not correct, going for the programme means that you leave st nix this year? coz if not you'll won't remark about how you'll miss st nix and squadmates. i guess you've got to make a choice right? it's a fab opportunity. gotta choose what matters more to you. if i'm given the choice, i'd go. but if i was in sec 2, i may have stayed, for similar reasons. if you are close to your squadmates, they'll be with you always, eventually you guys will split to various JCs anyhow. there are many perks for this thing, so choose wisely. did many others get selected for the programme too?
chuan: badges don't give points. it's just a personal skills improvement thing. talk to joyce. i think she's got F9 already. if attendance is irregular, you don't get any points for that particular year, even promotion points or competition points. if one doesn't attend for a stretch, as in break in the attndance for an ongoing period, it's F9 straightaway. her dragging and not making a decision doesn't give her anything. she hasn't been appearing most of this year i believe. xin1 ku3 you guys. it's exasperrating, tried before, for my own squadmates, but perhaps to a lesser extent. change the method then. maybe she's sick of hearing you guys pestering her you see.
xuewei: you guys fix something and i'll come as much as i can. movie yes? after O's. if the whole squad don't wanna come, a small group also can. can ask eileen. she's flying on 28th nov. and then of course, the funnest thing. STC! i dread it larh, but maybe you guys will look forward to it. it's fun if you don't think of the tough bits. and of course, streaming. if aiming for 3 pure, then bia for it. next week exams right? i'm getting back results. let's all pray..
my parents gave me 2 days to rest. before i rev up my engine and start again. so that should be tuesday and wednesday. now today's friday. and i haven't touched one bit of work. heex. been watching 'the legend of the condor heroes' and reading POWER! manga. real funny.
anyway. i was out with cher yesterday. 'pride and promiscuity' is out of stock. again. for the 3rd time. and i bought 1 chinese soundtrack cd, and 4 vcds. the cd has like 11 songs. of which 1 is really nice, 2 are so-so and the remaining 8 are EXCEEDINGLY horrid. it wasn't cheap either. i said i'll listen to that one song 27 times(cost of it) to make up for the unworthiness(is there such a word?) but really, it's so gross, i can't bring myself to hearing it.
the vcds include: Now and Then, 'O', Gangs of New York, Chicago. haven't gotten down to watching any yet. tonight there's SURVIVOR! yippee! go Drake! go Rupert!
i think my mom's gonna take me to try grad gowns tomorrow. i think. i really need to lose weight if i honestly want to look okay in the dress. i'm not being a worrywart or obsessed or something. np gave me muscles. but i haven't trained in goodness how long and all the extra muscles which i built up have successfully been converted to fats now(i am not kidding here, coz i checked with my super smart cousin on that). now i'm thinking if only i never had muscles. i suggested me going to marie france to my mom and she was 'don't be silly!' my cousin thinks i'm nuts, he says,'there isn't any guys there in the first place!' well he's the nutty one. why would i want to slim down for guys?
then of course, i have to hand in my chinese file by monday. chinese HOD is furious coz a number of people from my class haven't been doing homework the whole year and yet we were never called up for surpise checks. that includes me. so they want everything in. and i have to rush out a whole year's worth of jian bao, zhou ji, some zuo wen and ying yong wen and all the huo ye lian xi. urgh. me and my bad habits. thank goodness the sec 2s didn't know so many of my bad habits when i was their NCO.
the maths teachers are insisting that we begin maths revision immediately. eewl.
the JC talks have been pretty good. i've decided that RJC, VJC, NJC, SAJC. are choices. SA coz it's no.7. better than ACJC. RJ coz the arts scene sounds good and science would be okay too. if in NJ, i'll do science. and in VJ, cross-fac. the Theatre Studies and Drama Programme(TSD) at VJ sounds great! it's an A level subject and it's real difficult. the criteria's fierce too. so only the elite go. i need a distinction for english and the L1R5 to reach VJ. and if i do, i must convince my parents to send me(kind of far), and convince them to let me take the subject(coz obviously they want me to go to science). it's only offered there. it involves Asian, British, American and World Drama, Greek Drama. history of theatre and loads of other stuff. and there' s a practical portion which involves putting up a production and an individual skill performance which can be lighting, acting, mime, make up etc. it's really hard. and the combi i'll choose if i make it, is even worse. i don't want E.lit. i just want it with either 2 pure sciences(phy and chem), maths and TSD or physics, econs, maths and TSD. but whatever i choose, i'm going to give away my chance of going to various schools of studies. horrid. in sec school we have to study a lot of crap which i have no interest for. and at A levels, there's so much to choose from and we get to study just 4. urgh.
shan't think anymore. gonna shower. i've been feeding mosquitoes for the past hour.
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
mich: i can't sign your gbook. haven't been able to for a long while. cool design. nicer than the previous i feel. shan't meddle, just..have a blast!
san: i get what your going through. it'll pass..
it's OVER. everything's been decided. nothing's going to change anything. i'm not deliriously happy, or drug-induced ecstatic. just grateful, grateful i lasted it out, grateful that i can watch tv and read a book without losing my cool or feeling guilty.
sushila saw me today and called my name. and she said she momentarily remembered me coz of my compo. i basically panicked. just freaked right in front of her and she was like, it's fine, girl. no. not fine. maybe i'm just going straight and flunking English.
the chinese and math papers were horrid. but i shan't dwell on them so. i got back the CCA record today. it's B3. checked with squadmates and they got A2 or A1. i'm just shocked you know. i just don't know how NP does it, but it just always makes me feel like crying. coz i always cry when i feel cheated. and at that very moment today, i really thought i was going to start bawling right in front of ms oh. had to keep doing deep-breathing exercises. i tried getting points, but didn't work. my CCa record has so many things on it, and points can't be gotten for them.
but i shan't think of that. thanks ee ling for chatting with me and laughing so much else i would have cried like a baby. after which we went out and i bought vcds to watch. msg-ed xuewei.
sec 2s: remember kae? study really hard. it's the ultimate thing which matters. CCA is afterall secondary. yeah, put in for NP. but there's life outside NP. a rank isn't just a rank, coz a rank means 1 more point. but don't just work for the rank. just don't get disappointed like me. and for joyce, try to get her to come, she's heading for F9 already.
going out tomorrow. but i'm so friggin' tired now i don't see how i'm going to go out in one piece.
Monday, September 29, 2003
san: you okay? don't sound too good.
tomorrow is the LAST day of the prelims. the day i've been pining for for so long. now if i studied really hard, i would be relieved and would feel well-deserved of the end. but since, i didn't study hard like kill-yourself-with-10hrs-per-day hard, i don't think i'll be feeling very good. whose fault? mine as usual.
i shall not seek to destroy my soul and extinguish every final but of sanity by commenting further on such distasteful subjects.
at the dinner table last night, i expressed my thoughts to my parents in the best way i could. which of course was quite terrible. i meant every word i said but i think they're having a hard time believing. my parents sure plan far. first they said that i could play as long and as hard as i wanted after the O's, but now, they've taken it into their hands to look out for a temp job for me and such. but i put that on hold.
terence msg-ed yesterday and asked me about going on a missionary trip to the philippines. i said no. most probably not anyway. am not in the right state of mind to ponder such issues anyhow.
and cher, fine. i admit it. pride and prejudice is nice. real nice. of course it doesn't hook me on to it quite as powerful as some other books. but it's a good read. i really believe what i say when people grow up with books. what i haven't been able to read last time, i'm gradually beginning to understand and try.
