Friday, September 05, 2003
whee! how fun! the 'last-chance-to-rescue-yourself-from-a-horrible-death' study break is here! don't i sound enthusiastic?
so sorry there, but i'v no kick to work up for certain. 3 months ago, if i wasted a day, i could safely say that i still had 89 days to go. now i'm down to less than 10. and there's no time to waste.
tomorrow is my new baby cousin's one-month day. and so we are celebrating it today with a dinner. i'm not going. gonna stay home so i can catch my tv programme on SCV which shows once a week. so fine. he's one-month thing is once in a lifetime, but i seriously think i need my sanity more.
i think it's pretty much confirmed, my dad's gonna work overseas. sigh. gonna miss him. then there'll just be me, my mom and our maid in the house. must seriously consider getting my mom to sleep in my room.
i used to bug my parents for a cell phone when i didn't have one. and when they passed me the old one, i didn't want to use it. it was like gigantic. but with the 8250, i seriously don't care. my parents said they'll get me a phone at the end of this year(i'm currently using my sister's) and i was like, no hurry. if fact, i'm more interested in getting Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton. you guys must sure think i'm nuts.
anyway, my dad was mentioning a while ago, if he finds a nice number he'll just get me a phone. i told him it's okay. so anyway. today he was just reading the papers and saw this number(with plenty of 8s in it) and said okay i'll get you a phone today. and he did. a pink nokia 6100. with colour screen and i don't know what else. (i'm really bad at this) i'll be seeing it later tonight. i'm not frantically excited of anything. now i've to keep worrying what if i lose the phone. aye.
i'm going to do serious filing today. my room is so cluttered i don't even knwo where the revision papers are kept.
Thursday, September 04, 2003
san: hey san. just read your blog. so cool about your studies abroad. i wish i had a more definite plan. for certain, i don't wanna study in singapore. i'm getting out first thing i know. but anyway, you have it all mapped out. can envision you as some corporate executive in the future! haha. i never knew that mothers will want their daughters to wear such clothes. always thought was the other wya round. and yups me need to lose weight too. at least 6 kg. hopefully can make it to 8 kg. point is, i need to find the most effective way of losing weight.
today, i was walking home, very near my house. the little road which runs past my house 161. as usual, many cars lined the street. there's was this little girl with her papa. she was dressed in a sleeveless te with little purple hearts all over it and a matching purple short pants. she had really straight long jet black hair with bangs in front and a sweet kid face that was just poster-perfect. her papa wore a singlet and held her hand. both of them just stood outside and the daughter must have asked a question becasue the father then pointed in some direction and started talking.
at that very moment, i just realised how much i wish i could trade places with her, for even just one day. be a four-year-old again. i know all this just sounds really cliche, but i really thought so. i was very tired and still am and, honestly, worrying over exams is definitely the worst thing to be doing.
moving on to something else(i so sound like some reporter). went to the NP room to order pictures. turned out really well except for some shots which were taken in the dark hall.
i got back my english essay today. i wrote a descriptive essay for the timed-piece, and i think i'll prolly write that for exams, seeing that my narratives fall flat and expository is just bone dry and tasteless in general. i finally broke the 30 marks barrier for composition. got 32, A1 after getting 28 and 29 so many times. i think i got the highest in class and that makes me feel even better. shall let my parents read my essay later. of course, i can't even compare to cher, jy, sarah or danielle like one bit, they are so a cut above. but at least, if my chinese intends on stagnating, my english will just have to pull me through.
today was 'get-back-your-results-and-die' day. except that i didn't really die. L1R5 was 10. it's the best since this PPR system started in the beginning of sec 3. i was really surprised. i checked, i believe there's some mistake in the L1R5 so i checked with mrs seah, but she says it's okay. coz you have to count some math subject and she didn't. if they counted my math, it would have been 13 instead seeing that i got C5 for E math(it's really quite hopeless). 68.5% for overall.
english - A1 - 78.5%
hcl - A2 - 70.8%
combined humanities - A1 - 78.0%
A math - D7 - 46.7%
E math - C5 - 57.1%
bio - A2 - 70.8%
chem - A2 - 72.1%
physics - A2 - 73.7%
not fab grades, but better than last term's. must work harder. must ace the prelims.
didn't study with eileen, min and yihting today. went with cher to orchard library to "study". let's see. we went to breadtalk and i bought this bacon and cheese thing. then we went to EDO sushi and i bought 4 of those rice and fish thingies. cher was real full and me was okay(my appetite has yet to meet real challenge). then i decided to buy this yakitori lunchbox. it comes in this cute paper box. totally adorable. looks so, well, papery. and makes you feel like you are eating from a lunch box and not some non-biodegradable plastic container. you feel really japanese while eating this bento lookalike. before i was even 1/3 through, i was stuffed. but had to finish. felt terribly full.
went to kinokuniya. cher was raving about buying 'pride and promiscuity'. i want it too. and cher looked like she was gonna cry when they said it sold out. i can't believe it, a book can get sold out. if it's like some F4 produt on some craze, then fine. but a book!? so we browsed. and i came up with 13 books which i want to buy. noted it down in my oraganiser. top of the list is 'Living History' by Hillary Clinton, 'One Man's Bible' by Gao Xinjian, 'A Thousand Pieces of Gold' by Adeline Yen Mah, 'I Capture the Castle' by Dodie Smith. the rest are pretty much secondary. Living History is an absolute must. i think my dad will pay for it(it's 40 bucks), afterall, it's by Hillary Clinton!! ooh! wait! i forgot, i want 'Wild Swans' by Jung Chang too. cher showed me this poem and asked me to interpret it and i said it's about a woman who got raped, either that or she's a prostitute and she was shocked, said,"you really think that?" i said,"well, i haven't the faintest idea what's she's talking about" but it honestly sounded like some broken woman after an orgy or something.
moved on to the library. but then we had 45min left. had to order a drink if we wanted to sit at the tables. wasn't an empty space in sight, so we asked some other secondary school girls if we could share. wanted to order a tea, but ended up with hot chocolate(how much had i eaten already?). those 2 girls were horrible. 1. they were badmouthing some friend of theirs by boasting about how her chemistry was so lousy and plain seculating about her faults. 2. they were boasting coz they were talking so freaking loudly, for us to hear, so we'd feel inferior. well too bad, cher's chem is way better than theirs. i'm speechless(can be good but needs practice). 3. they were purposely talking loudly so we couldn't concentrate on our social studies. i gave up and tried talking louder which just got cher laughing. but she was super irritated. horrible school in dull blue-grey top and dark blue skirt. finally spotted another empty table and shifted over. guess what? after we moved away, they quietened down. cher and i ended chatting awhile and laughing about some corny stuff.
i was staring at this decoration. water cascading down a mirror. it's really hypnotical. you just keep staring at it, trying to focus your attention on the top. but as it falls ever so smoothly, your eyes just follow the melodious gait of the water right to the bottom and you get sucked along with it into the pool. cool right? i studied like 3 pages of ss. (figures that i won't get any studying done anyway).
then we left. i went to cold storage. needed camomile tea to get me through the exams. it my favourite blend. soothing and calming. then got indigestion from eating so much. went to popular and bought metal rings to hold the ever increasing stack of prelim papers that we are receiving. left coz cher needed to get to church.
home now. duh. drinking tea. mmhm. gosh. i'm writing longer entries these days. so lengthy and wordy. i will sleep at 9.30 tonight. i don't care if i don't get my ss even half done. don't care if i don't touch my chem. i'm friggin' tired. and i need sleep. my brain needs to make connections.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
thanx peirong and michelle(sec 2 and 4) for your invaluable advice. i realise it's quite easy to not care.
today's maths mock wasn't too bad. but i still didn't knwo how to do like 20-30% of the questions.
going to study with cher tomorrow at orchard(if we get anything done).
gotta flee for dinner.
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
i know i told cher that i won't blog. but after i showered, between ss textbk and the Net, gotta admit that this is way more appealing. a bunch of things happened today. like we agreed to meet at 10 since neither of us could wake up but we both came late so we officially met at 11.10 i think. i was waiting at the mrt station and looking at the map of the surroundings of city hall interchange(my life's so boring i've taken to studying maps), and i got down to imagining that what if i ran a tour agency, i could make some major bucks out of the tourist attractions there. war memorial park, queen elizabeth walk, lim bo seng memorial, indian national army memorial, armenian church, chapel of good shephard, st andrew's cathedral, museums etc. cool huh? i was thinking that one days after O's i'll go on the tourist thing in singapore. kinda fun.
got to explanade library and ordered drinks at the cafe. it was freezing. the library's cold the mall's cold, everything's cold. my jacket was so handy. i can't imagine what i'd do without it. prolly go buy a new one(now that's an idea!) we moved over to the sofa which has this view of the merlion and the fullerton hotel and continued studying and talking as and when(rather often). then i grabbed a bunch of seventeen mags(ss is boring) and started reading. that's about where my studying began to stall. was just oohing and aahing over all the things inside(deprived lifestyle!)
there was this guy sitting about 5-10 metres away from us wearing a pair of headphones. and he blasted the music. mich and i could hear from where we were siting and even recognised the song he was listening to. just can't imagine how his ears felt listening to the thing blast(ouch!)
did ask him whether he wanted to meet today. he said no. hadda sleep apparently coz he's going army tomorrow. sigh so many are going into NS. we are growing older huh? he isn't even a teen any longer.
ate lunch at nooch. and there was this cute waiter with tanned skin, brown hair with blonde highlights(boyish good looks). was messaging cher, all local cute guys are short. i guess i'm right. back in the library, there was this man opposite us who kept burping real loudly. eewl. totally gross. and eachj time he burped, i looked at mich just to see if she got my meaning. and she'd laugh. and finally she said,"stop looking at me, i'm not the one burping" and i kept laughing. so friggin' corny.
eileen joined us in the afternoon but left earlier. then at 7.30pm, we went to the roof area of esplanade and admired the view. fine. we just walked there. and there was couples making out and such. i asked mich,"what if you saw you bf there kissing someone else, what will you do?" she said she'd walk over and say hi and walk away then break up with him. i said that i'd wish i could box him up but i won't. i'd just go home and cry i think. i'm such a wimp.
rushed back and dad fetched me from the mrt station. back home, my dad was talking to me about my grades. and saying how maths was really important if i wanted to make it big anywhere. i said i was working on it, which i am, but i can't seem to do well. he said the most unbelievable thing. "if A maths cannot, at least E maths. you ahev to get a B3 or A2 for A maths at least."i said no way, i'm going to get an A1, no less. but the fact that he actually acknowledged the fact and let me go with something let then an A1 shocked me. he's coming to terms and understanding that i can't do maths. that's telling me that i can't. i thought if i worked on it(a little at least) the distinctions were all mine. but seems like i'm so wrong. but i'm goign to do well anyway. the grandchildren on my dad's side excluding the first, went to cat. high, RGS, nanyang girls' high, RI, st nix and chinese high. those before me went on to NJC, HCJC and RJC. i'm not going to get into some serangoon JC or something. i have to get into a good JC, no less. this is so friggin' hard.
also, my dad said, that i have to get into a good JC. and that after JC, if i can get accepted into a good university overseas, some Ivy League school or in europe, he'd pay for my education for my first degree. that's the first time, he's confirmed it. gosh. the whole road's ahead of me, i've just got to run or walk it. but that's proving to be harder than i expected.
a catechist called me. apparently, my letter to the archbishop of singapore was one of those chosen. and our church wants to do an interview on what we youths have been doing post-confirmation. like are we in youth groups or what. and then publish it in the church newsletter hoping that we'd be sources of inspiration to the younger youths or something. i'm honored. but sadly, mine's just gonna be a big sob story. i've taken no big step. i've not joined a youth group. and now, i sorta don't feel like joining too. just turning out to be a major disappointment.
but whatever questions they are asking, i'll answer truthfully. i know people always say how we should follow our hearts. my heart tells me that i don't wanna join a youth group. but my mind has to take over, coz if i don't join a youth group, my faith with stagnate and grow algae. if my heart can't take me further, then my mind's going to have to.
see? that's practical me at work again.
Monday, September 01, 2003
not good with studying today. as usual. argh. worse in fact. i spent like forever trying to debate whether i should call him. and mich got so pissed she grabbed my phone and dialed him number twice, which i wrestled and successfully out of her hands and switched it off in time.
gonna study again tomorrow. for real. getting eileen and hopefully minmin too. she's our driving force. we are so gonna study. i have 13 days. and they are slowly slipping from my hands. just great. ooh. and clara found out about him. some thing's just keep getting better.
yawn. i'm real tired. shall watch friends. and then go sleep. another long day ahead.
Sunday, August 31, 2003
mich: i will study.
sanni: that's way cool! your mom sewed the dress for you? you ever hear of this stuff these days. lucky on the swiss army knife.
today's been a real mixed-up day. i went to church at nine in the morning to collect my confirmation pictures, only to find out when i reached there that the meeting was cancelled coz one catechist was sick and the other was in class. guess what? i was the last to find out again. i'm always ill-informed on all these things and it's real irritating. so gotta make another trip down next week. and of course i got a scolding for wasting my time going down when i could have studied for some more time, albeit an extra 30 minutes.
studied some social studies when i got home. urgh. i really dislike it. i'm on the chapter where i scored 1/13 for my structured essay. no fond memories there. something about sri lanka. then i went for tuition. and i received an sms from this friend. shall elaborate later. so was having sucky maths tuition. my maths suck. and my aunt and cousins were all trying to teach me. both my cousins are older, one's 22 the other's 18. and both of them are super smart. one is a scholar in UK the other is in RJC. and the older one was supposed to help me with physics. which of course, i can't even help mu maths so he's gotta help me with maths first. then i got stumped on this disgusting question for like more than half an hour. they were both playing PS 2. so i asked them to help me(as usual) and they both did!
they both paused their game and came into the study room to figure out the question for me. both their heads poured over the stupid question scribbling frantically over the question. and it's those moments which it's totally photo-album-worthy. classic moment. wish i had a camera. my cousins helping me! and i was just thinking. if i were to have brothers, i'd want 2 older brothers, i'd want them to be my older brothers. one's humorous and smart, the other smart and hardworking. both are generous too! i'm whacko! i know that. but they are so nice! if they see this, they'll just think i'm one sappy ass! but nevermind.
then we had dinner together, coz the big cousin and another girl-cousin are leaving late next month for England. one's studying in warwick university, the other in imperial science college. and we just keep eating togther, coz we won't have many more chances. and we were at the cafe with our parents naturally and ordering drinks, etc. and 5 of us(there's was another younger cousin) were right in front of the counter. and guess what? photographic moment again! all dark-clad backs against the harsh neon lighting of the counter. tall backs(we are all tall). this weird feeling just came over me, and dawned on me, how old we all are? 3 of the 7 cousins can drive. 3 are overseas. we looked like this cool bunch! ah. shall miss my big cousin when he's gone.
so i received the sms from my friend. coz i sms-ed him yesterday. to find out how he's doing. met him when was 12. that's like 4 years ago. he was 16 then. so anyway, we were sms-ing a lot yesterday, i don't even want to think of the phone bill coz i'm using hi-card. and he asked where i was and what i was doing. i swear the next question was going to be something like,"are you free?" but nope. then he sms-ed today during tuition. about what i was gonna do tomorrow and where i'd be. i didn't expect it naturally. so i replied(during tuition) and we were sms-ing during tuition(bad idea). i stopped after a while. but a few things mentioned. "wanna not study for a day, we could go watch a movie.." etc. i was grinning to myself(bad idea). i said no. i have to study, see? but i said i didn't mind a drink. so we continued sms-ing awhile longer, about movies, etc. then i stopped. had tuition. and replied when it was over.
we kept minimal contact over the past 4 years. that's an understatement. i didn't see him all of 4 years. just occasionally we'd chat a little(i emphasize the word little) and before yesterday, i sms-ed him like a grand total of one time. so this thing tomorrow is just both of us. i'm surprised. and happy too. face it. i did like him. maybe i still do(why the hell? am i saying all this?) he's going NS this wednesday, so wanted to meet up. it sort of sounds like a date. but i'm convincing myself that it isn't. it isn't right? but face it, why would he ask me out for a movie, after zero contact for 4 years?
argh. this is so sickening. but i said no anyhow. maybe i'll call tomorrow. aye! i'm confused. eeek!
i have my prelims. i have my O's. i don't need extra baggage to pull me down. i am overweight with impossibilities as it is. but why does part of me want it? studies come first, afterall.
