Saturday, April 05, 2003
gosh. time really flies. too fast maybe. I met dixon four years ago on the UK tour. I wasn't even in St Nix then, was just out of primary school. and he was in sec 4.
was just chatting online with him a couple of days ago and he's 20 now, he did some course at SHATEC but quit it after slightly less than 2 years. he said that it wasn't his thing so he just discontinued. I was pretty alarmed. it's not everyday where someone just stops halfway or something. sure, they'd follow through and change courses, but they won't just stop. but it's his choice anyway.
and now, he's preparing to go to army. army is like part and parcel and when u go to army, it's like wow! they are so old.
time really flies. I will be out of sec school in 8 months time maybe. it's so hard to accept that we are so old..sweet 16...doesn't sound so sweet when u attach the responsibilities.
Thursday, April 03, 2003
I received the best news yesterday. I found out I didn't get promoted. I guess I saw that coming. but perhaps I didn't want to face up to it. so expected of me.
I was pretty calm at first, then I just broke down right in front of the computer. thank goodness my parents didn't see me. ha. my mom asked why I was having a blocked nose and I told her 'coz the fan was blowing straight at me. and my dad asked what happened to my voice. he was worried that I had gotten SARS or something and I just said 'coz of the fan. how lame.
I'm far too ashamed of myself. some say I shouldn't take it out on myself. well, then who else is there for me to take it out on? how I wish I could put the cause for blame on someone else. and this isn't the first time. it's the second and it's a big mistake. I don't even know why it's a mistake. I don't really know what's wrong.
maybe it was wrong right from the start. like picking this CCA when I could have gotten into ELDDS. disillusioned maybe? I was so chipper and excited back then. now, I find it amusing why I was so interested then. a screw loose maybe.
mich stated that she missed hers too. I wonder why. she really put in so much for JTC. more than daphne and minmin. more than the share which she should be doing.
how amusing. the threads of life weave a different brocade for everyone. I was in the glittery strings awhile back, now it's a deep black patch.
I'm gonna have to pretend that I didn't know or else I'll get peiwen into trouble for telling me. I'm going to have to act disappointed and upset when the notice comes out officially. I'm going to have to act composed in case the sec 2s see. but who am I deceiving exactly? people have been talking that I'm not doing enough as a monitor. how I wish they'd stop talking behind my back and come straight to me. if they stab you in the back, there's no way of defending it. but if they jab me in front, at least I can find a shield.
I didn't exactly ask jiayan for help. 'coz we never seem to get down to it. I guess I'll ask her to teach me one day.
michelle was awful nice to help me do it. of course, I made some really unreasonable demands which were way beyond her. ack. I just want it to turn out the best. but it's this josh hartnett page now. and it looks pretty cool except that certain pics look not so nice. I wish i can do something like jy's, but I'm far from it. my skills are worse than mediocre.
I watched loads of gilmore today. I realise that I prefer watching the lorelai parts rather than the rory parts. I feel somewhat sorry for lorelai as rory grows up.
I did the sec 4 discussion forum thing. there were 2 articles and I managed to do the first one successfully. the second one however conked out on me right after i finished the whole damned thing. there's nothing wrong with the computer or else I wouldn't be here now, but the page, at epebble in down. I'm so freakin' irritated 'coz it's driving me nuts!
read a bit of scarlett today. I honestly should spend more time on my work, but I guess that's pretty impossible, given my slacker attitude. maybe I'll do some tomorrow. that's what I always say. it's like my tomorrow never comes. or should I say, the infinity of tomorrows end when I find the determination to do work today.
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
so I'm here fixing a new diary. and man, this is loads more confusing for the computer-illiterate me. I guess it is a step for me towards creating my own page which i have been pestering jiayan about.
I swear I'll find a way to make this thing pretty.
