Listen to your heart. <body> <body>


Thursday, August 14, 2008

I believe that my blog is a lot more stagnant than the class blog. when did i last update? can't remember. maybe when i school broke for the summer hols.

what have i been to these hols? finished my attachment, learned some cooking skills, got my hair permed (which is unraveling at a really fast speed now) and met some friends. mostly my primary school mates. and it's astounding really, the volume of chatter that we are capable of, so many years down the road.

i also bought a new laptop, an Asus F8Vr with 4GB of RAM. whatever that's supposed to mean. it's more powerful than Daryl's computer and is quite sufficient for gaming, all of which are features that i don't use. i use Microsoft Office, i produce presentations and documents, and i shop online. including my free 160GB HDD that came with the laptop, i now have 410GB of space, of which i use about 10%. that's until i get Gilmore, Sex and the City and Friends.

i liked the matte screen which my IBM had though. and its accompanying keyboard. i had gotten so used to the board that was finally able to touch-type (yes yes roll your eyes). now ill have to get readjusted. but in any case my old PC was giving me way too many problems. and for a not so tech-savvy person like me, i really don't need to contend with those kinks. it's already had its disc drive and hard disk replaced once and been formatted at least twice. the stats show that it's operating way below capacity and yet it's so darned slow. plus, the disc drive died again and needs to be replaced at 280 bucks. blah.

enough about all that.

today i was to talk about a word that starts with the letter M. Mortality.
my youngest maternal cousin was recently diagnosed with hepato cellular carcinoma, that the more common and fatal form of adult liver cancer, except that he's only going to turn 7 in a week. my parents have been overseas on a holiday so my sister and i have been keeping our mouths shut. we only hope they will be understanding as to why we decided to let them have their holiday in peace first.

you never know when fate will deal you with a lousy card. in this case, having this form of cancer in children is extremely rare, not to mention his family history is clear of liver problems. i've been visiting him once every 2 days, especially since i'm not too clear if i'll be seeing him next year.

kids generally have a hgher chance of battling a cancer successfully, coz kids don't think or worry as much and thus are able to maintain a happier state of mind. in his case, it's imperative that he stays healthy and strong, eats nutritious food and maintains a regular daily routine.
the problem is, he's an awfully scrawny kid (weighing about 19 kilos), his parents spoiled him rotten, and he cries at any time when he's being inconvenienced or doesn't have his way. his mother praises him the minute he shows any improvement in his behaviour even though all the relatives feel that it's a level of discipline that is to be expected in any decent child.
yes he must be commended for not crying during any treatment or scans, but he cries the minute you try to get him to eat his lunch or have his milk. he cries when you don't buy him his toys. the nurses think he's such a doll since he flirts with them and calls them babes (grief, you'd think they'd have more sense) even though he's incapable of the simplest tasks like dressing himself and bathing. and honestly, his brother and him are overprovided with activities, classes and toys that they are take for granted. my sister and i have been firm yet placating in getting him to eat more or learn some English (it's dreadful really since his level doesn't even reach that of a 4 year-old).

the painful truth? we may all be sympathetic coz of his condition and the pain that he has to endure, but that's where the sympathy ends. he needs to be told that either he he show some self-discipline and have his meals (not swiss roll snacks and marmee noodles) properly to battle the disease or he dies.
yes it's harsh for someone so pampered. but it's hardly a tall order. loads of kids turn out fine. he needs to make a choice whether to live or die. currently it seems like it's his parents who are making that decision.

can't you hear it sing?



Sunday, April 06, 2008

random post.
i've finished the 81-episode Jumong. and i'm really glad that i'm beginning to understand more and more korean. i'm going to purchase "The Vineyard Man". it's a novel of which the drama series of the same name was based. i know the korean text is way beyond the level i have acquired and daryl's been a damper, but i'm still going to try and maybe just maybe, i'll get through it over summer.
i'm really not in the mood for exams now. finals are in a little over a week and i really should be gettin down to all the material. it's a lot better than last term since i've been consistently doing my homework and reading some notes and texts so it won't be so much of a last-ditch effort like the last round. unfortunately, ever since i started watching Coffee Prince, The Vineyard Man, Jumong and now Be Strong, Geum Soon! i'm really afraid that i'll never get started. it's just such a bore to stare at the work and i'm so reluctant. but if i'm going to save that GPA of mine and make sure than last term's GPA will be the lowest of my college years then it's high time i get my arse off the couch.

i will be back on Mayday. singapore time. that means i'm leaving Ann Arbor in 3 weeks. i'm not feeling sad, but i'm no where as excited as i was last year. last year at least, i was really excited during the finals since i couldn't wait to get over and done with exams and head home. this time, i wish i can stay on longer.
when i return next semester, it'll be the last 2 semesters before my batchmates graduate. and then i'll have another 1 or 2 semesters that i'll have to do alone. with brian and the other guys who are staying on for masters too of course. it's such a quaint and pretty town. something about the windows down in a breeze, the the snow bunks by the roadside after a storm, and did i mention the snow scrapers that i use to get the ice and snow off the cars? i was so nearly late for my final last term coz the car was totally snowed in.

thing is, i have a very real life here. a life where i do my grocery shopping, pay my rent, check the bus schedules to get to school, and prepare my own meals. or even do random things like having a bowl fo seafood chowder at the fish market. it's al these little things that help you remember a place and a time when it's long gone.
looking back on all those years before that, all the studying definitely equates a blank.

home is where the heart is. where's mine? i'll need to think.
home is where the people [who matter] are. singapore was definitely a home because of all the family and friends who are there. would singapore still be home without all those people? i think no. there were all the little beautiful places that existed before. the old smelly wet markets, the dirty food centres, the ice cream man and his moving van. that sort of thing. but they've been removed to make way for the new [and better] society. and whilest the new world is being built, i'm away from it, so i won't be establishing those bonds that hold you down. i can't say it's home.

this summer i should get started thinking about my plans after graduation. realistically, i have to stop putting off those plans. i might have to remain here and secure a job. if i pursue my major in accounting, i'll will be quite useless if i return home with different systems and all. and daryl will pursue his phD here..

enough rambling..

can't you hear it sing?



Monday, March 03, 2008

spring break's come and gone. one week of glorious fun (not in the sun). i didn't head to florida or cancun or somewhere else warm and sunny. like last year, i stayed in Ann Arbor. the only thing that detracted from my fun was a B+ on accounting. blah. but it shall not get me down.

i gave myself an extra day of spring break by cutting class on friday and doing not a crumb of working starting thursday night. so now the new school week's started, i'm a little behind, but i'll manage. now to recount all that i've done.

1. ate at Bucca di Beppo and discovered that they have good pasta
2. check out a japanese grocer in livonia
3. made darling the sashimi bento with 7 kinds of sashimi
4. baked yummy pineapple tarts
5. baked banana bread
6. played Settlers of Catan and Drakon
7. fixed a japanese steamboat at home with darling
8. walked the mall and bought a short sleevd fleece hoodie with 25 bucks off
9. watched The Descent, Van Wilder, The Other Boleyn Girl (Natalie Portman is HOT, and she was educated at Harvard. talk about beauty AND brains!)
10. read The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory
11. bought Settlers, Ticker to Ride and Race for the Galaxies boardgames online
12. had another sashimi fest with darling, jem, jon, kaijian and qianyi
13. did laundry

there. not a scrap of school work. i earned it.

can't you hear it sing?



Monday, February 11, 2008

I've been bumming around a lot for a good bit of the academic year. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing this simply because I'm too lazy, I am hardly hardworking by nature. The trouble I have to go to to secure attachments and internships, not to mention putting myself entirely out of my comfort zone. It's just so unappealing.

This term, however, I think it's not the case. This term, I like. (fakes Jem's weird accent). Somehow, I found my direction again. I had an MSN nickname once that said happiness was knowing one's direction. I feel that the one time I feel a rush of euphoria and adrenaline is when I know my direction. (I'm excluding the adrenaline rush from riding a rollercoaster.)
And this time, I think I found my direction again. And you know it, from the pulsing in your veins.

I thought before that I wanted to be a doctor. That was 3 years ago when I decided to drop Economics and continue pursuing Biology. Well, that turned out to be a little roundabout since my Biology education stopped right after A'levels and I went back to pursuing Economics. So, my doctor dream followed my acting dream into the box of discarded once-prized items.
I was real intent on getting into Michigan and experiencing THE overseas education. Then came the initial rush of all things new. A new effort-based grading system, with a constant pressure to excel.

I think now I can finally explain the lack-lustre term last Fall. It is by no means and excuse for the bad grades that I produced. But now I realise why I did so badly. I was so very intent on getting into the business school that my plans and goals were set entirely on getting in, but not for after I had got in. Once I did make it, I hadn't the faintest idea which path to take. It was all about getting the grades and figuring out whom I should please. I kept entertaining the thought of majoring in Finance, but I don't think it'll appeal to me.

Last term, after doing unexpectedly well in my accounting course, I kind of made a pact: If I get through the 2 basic accounting courses with good grades, I'll major in accounting. Managerial accounting started out rough, but getting to be more interesting now. Brian mentioned the other day about me pursuing a MAcc. I don't know about that. But I just might.

A MAcc means more money, more time and naturally, more work. I've read up about the MAcc (Masters of Accounting) offered at Ross. I can't divert to the program immediately. I need to do some prerequisites for the program, write more essays and take the GMAT. Then, after I finish my BBA, I can apply to the program and wait out a few months before aoing the 10-month course. Then I'll be set for the CPA exam. It's another 70 grand too. And I wonder whether my dad would rather me do an MBA instead.

And then there are the plans for a 4-month long summer. I haven't applied for any internship yet, since I want to return to Singapore for the full 4 months.
My plans as yet are tentative, but I'm elated that I have come up with a list of things I would like to do. If possible, I would like to secure an attachment either with Auntie Seah doing accounting or perhaps in the hotel service sector.
If that does not work out, I intend to get some kind of part-time work for work experience (which till today remains a blank.) I will resume studying Korean over the summer (preferably self-funded) and hopefully do a course in photography if it doesn't cost much. Assuming I successfully bid for intermediate accounting classes, I will look into studying the accounting texts over the summer. I also intend to travel, preferably to Taiwan and Korea (both places I have yet to visit), and meet up with family and friends. If I succeed in accomplishing all these, I believe I should have a pretty fulfilling summer.

That said, I doubt I'll get a good grade on my Biz Comm cover letter. It sounds amateurish and boring. But finding material for it did lead me to discovering new things. I should get back to it now.

can't you hear it sing?



Friday, January 11, 2008

hey all.

a merry new year to everyone.
i'd post pictures of very satisfying winter break. but i can't coz daryl's comp crashed and the photos probably won't be up for some time.

nonetheless it was a blast. travelling with 3 guys is a very different experience. not that i'm looking down on members of my sex, but travelling with 3 guys who get along well, are very resourceful and provide much needed entertainment can be a blast. not to mention 3 guys who do not mind looking stupid and laughing at themselves. recipe for a good holiday.
wait till i get the picture of jon with the 'Finding Nemo' hat on his head right up here.

California's really the land of sunshine and that's something you don't understand untill you shiver in michigan cold for quite a bit. it's sounds chiche and exaggerated really, but cali literally glows! i'm not talking about the unforgiving sun i get in singapore. the houses in LA, santa barbara.. are painted in very warm marigold colours. and the effect of the sun on them? positively sunkissed. too bad i don't own an SLR coz the standard digicams just don't cut it. the pictures don't do justice to the real beauty.

and the roads! the lanes are marked with reflectors! so you can actually see the road when you're travelling. that's very important.

so i did LA, SFO and vegas with some stops in santa barbara, carmel, monterey, yosemite. very rewarding if i may say so myself.

the destination really is only half the fun, the people make all the difference. oh, and the food too.

can't you hear it sing?



Tuesday, December 18, 2007

lalalala... lalalala...elmo song

FINALS ARE OVER!!! it's real unfortunate that i'm hoping for a 4.0 GPA. coz i know with this term's GPA, i'll only be able to manage a 4.0 at the end of my academic years. this term's grades are not out, but i know they're bad. like a 3.0 average coz of all the calculations i've done with my scores so far. nothing short of a miracle is going to save my arse.

i'm now in the intense grip of fear. which doesn't seem right since i should be enjoying myself. but i work in a weird manner, if i can'tpush myself hard enough to excel, then i should at the very least deprive myself of some pleasure.
anyways, i'm going to california!
too bad i can't meet debs though. i facebooked her once and she just mentioned something about only being around for a short period, my guesses are she's heading somewhere for her winter break and since i'll only be in LA for 4 days, i doubt i'll be meeting up with her.

another thing to be merry about besides ending my finals. today so happens to be me and daryl's 1-year anniversary! =)
now that the whole year's rolled by, grief. one hardly realises the term's ended. and 2 weeks from now, it's 2008! i didn't think i would have made it beyond a couple of months. but 1 year, that's like 2 months multiplied by 6! there's still a long way ahead!
i'm glad i'm going travelling with dearie! though there's still jon and jeremy. it's going to be a blast.
chilly winds, wintry days, seafood...and the open road. CALIFORNIA!

can't you hear it sing?



Wednesday, November 28, 2007

grief. i'm a mess.

i ended the Thanksgiving break with a flu, a bad throat and bad phlegm. then i went and took an exam which i wasn't well-prepared for on the day i was sick (the poor prep isn't due to the flu). and naturally i screwed the exam. i daren't even think of the grade i'm going to get or the GPA for this term.

which brings me to the second point. my GPA is going to be the lowest in theo history of my life. which isn't very long, considering the few terms i've had here. but if we count those days in hwachong, i doubt those grades even had a score on the GPA scale (cue dry laughter).
i have no fracking idea what i'm doing with my studies, grades and whatnot this term (theoretically, the whatnot does not exist, unless you count being a bum). i'm taking 14.5 credits which is way below the 17 i took for the past two terms. agreeably, i felt a little stretched (meaning i felt i didn't enjoy myself enough). well, in this case, it's all play and no work makes jack a dull boy.
i gave up the one subject i enjoyed, Korean, thinking it took up to much time and didn't add to my degree. well, looking back, it might have been the one thing that will save my GPA from falling into the gutters. Korean, was the one class that i took pride in exceling in. and the excess kinda spilled over into all my subjects. "hey! i have an A in this, how about getting a whole string of them?" this term, i not only didn't get the A, i lost the whole string too. and that's the worst possible time to be pulling such a stunt. especially now that my GPA's been reset to zero. i'm starting my new university life with crap GPA. (cue applause)

then i realise to my utter horror (makes me wonder what planet i'm living on), that i have 2 weeks to save my ass. save, in this instance, means scraping B+ and A- on the rest of my subjects and not walk away with Cs and low Bs.
i have to read all the texts which i happily refrained from touching the whole term and i don't se how i'm supposed to internalise them now. gonna have to try digging around for notes and such to make up for the texts.
and i have a paper due next wednesday. paper? big deal. it's just a paper. it's also a paper which i haven't written in ages, so i'm really rusty. a paper that determines whether i might get a low A on anthropology. a paper on which i have to base 2 ethnographies that have a volume of info scattered all over the place.

BIT has been giving me some trouble. the homeworks were doable. not my favourite but they were fine once i read the manuals to figure out how to work Excel and stuff. thing is, i'm real scared about the final. if they're gonna throw me in front of a comp and make me do weird shit, i'm screwed. i mean, i'm the one who prolly needs The Idiot's Guide to Computers. and then there's the whole saga with the final. my fault really. there's a time conflict with my econ and bit final. so i get my bit rescheduled. end of story.
except, we all found these tickets to vegas for the winter break, and since we're running pretty low on time now, i went and booked them. problem is, the alternative date for the bit final still isn't out. and my flight's set early morning for the date after the orginal bit date. and the prof says it won't be earlier, prolly the same day but later. i'm so so scared. i really don't need this right now. i hope everything miraculously works out.

i want to go to cali!!! if only for 12 days. but still. it's that one chance of a break here. with such a short term break.

i want to regain my motivation and work hard again. serious.

last problem. i'm due to register for class in another 5 days or so. it's a realy bad appointment. they're set based on the credits you have completed. seniors have first pcik, then juniors, sophs etc.. and then within the ranks you're ranked based on the number of creds. more creds, earlier appointment. techinically i have 76.5 creds. but coz of the B-sch policy, i'm capped at 45 if i'm not doing a double degree or an additional minor. so now the classes i want for next term are closing. like wtf? and there are only like a 4 classes that i even want to take. i don't want to take another term of crap psych or something. eeek!

can't you hear it sing?




Xiaoyan
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business
U of M-Ann Arbor

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3.7 GPA
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